Friday the 13th - Ranked

When I agreed to cover the fourth Friday the 13th movie (The Final Chapter) for the Midwest Film Journal, I decided to rewatch the entire series. And that felt like a lot of work to write just one article, so I decided come up with my ranking of the series. So here they are, with this caveat:

This is not a list determining the quality of these films. Instead, I’m ranking them based on my personal enjoyment of each film and the rewatchability of each film. Hopefully, you read this paragraph before skimming the list, because otherwise you’ll be wondering how I could rank Jason X above the first two films in the series. For the record, I think the first two films are straight up better than Jason X, but I’m much more likely to rewatch Jason X than the first two movies. To quote Dwight Yoakum in Sling Blade: “I ain’t saying it’s right, I’m just telling the damn truth.” Finally, I do want to point out that I enjoy the entire series, and while I might trash a few films, there’s still something in each film that I love.

12. Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday

This was actually one of the first Jason movies I can remember seeing since it came out when I was nine. Not that nine-year-olds should be watching this shit, but in the nineties in my world it was pretty normal for kids my age to watch Freddy and Jason movies. Anyway, I remember finding it quite effective back then. But re-watching it along with the rest of the series, I hated it this time. Oddly enough, the music was a big factor. The score, even though it’s done by series regular Harry Manfredini, is some cheap sounding straight-to-video shit. Then factor in that Jason is possessing people throughout the film and is barely seen in his traditional garb, and you have some real trash. I’m not against the film attempting to expand on the mythology of Jason because at this point in the series, they had to do something. But this just felt half-assed all around.

Favorite Kill - The lady getting split in half in the tent is pretty gnarly.

11. Friday the 13th (2009)

There’s nothing really wrong with this reboot. It’s not as fun as I wanted it to be, despite some of the humor courtesy of the over-the-top dickhead frat guy character. It’s just unnecessary, in my opinion. There was a time for Friday the 13th movies, and that was mainly the ‘80s. Only the even-more-high-concept-than-usual entries like Jason X and Freddy vs. Jason work beyond the ‘80s.

Favorite Kill - I dig the early kills, especially the one involving the sleeping bag and Ginsberg from Mad Men getting killed, but I have to go with the arrow through the eye of the dude driving the boat. When I first watched it, I thought it was pretty stupid, and upon rewatching it, it still is, but it amused me this time.

10. Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning

I get that they were wanting to go in a new direction and move beyond the same Jason, but the reveal that Jason was a copycat is just fucking lame. The townspeople, especially the ones from the deep south (even though Crystal Lake is in New Jersey?) mother and son, keep the film entertaining. 

Favorite Kill - I’m not sure any of these kills should even count since it’s not really Jason doing any of them...but if I have to pick, I’ll go with the dipshit son on the moped just because his screaming coupled with the moped was so annoying that I just wanted it to stop, and thankfully it did with his decapitation. 

9. Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

I thought I loved this movie. I think it was the first Friday I watched as a child, and it had a strong effect on me. Much like with Jason Goes to Hell, watching it again years later, I understand the hatred the movie gets. It’s dumb as shit, even by Friday the 13th standards. But I still like it for its complete disregard for making any kind of sense. How does a boat from Crystal Lake end up in the Atlantic Ocean? Why is a tiny senior class taking an entire cruise ship for a class trip? Why does the city of New York flush their sewers with toxic waste each night? This movie asks to just fucking go with it, and I admire it for that.

Favorite Kill - For some reason, the sauna rock kill stayed with me for years, but upon rewatching it, the boxing kill on the rooftop is awesome simply for how long they let the victim punch Jason just to get his head literally knocked off with one punch.

8. Friday the 13th

I know, I know. How could the film that started it off be so low on the list? As I stated at the beginning, this list is about my personal favorite films that I enjoy and will possibly rewatch. I appreciate everything this film started, but when I watch it, it feels like some obligatory assignment. I didn’t grow up with it, so there’s no nostalgia factor for me. When I watch the Friday series I mainly want to see Jason Voorhees in a hockey mask fucking people up. This is a good movie, but it’s not a Jason movie.

Favorite Kill - Of course I have to go with Kevin Bacon getting the arrow through the throat.

7. Friday the 13th Part II

Just apply everything I wrote about the original to this film, as well. At least it is Jason doing the killing this time, but still no hockey mask yet. It’s still a good movie, but I enjoy the later entries more.

Favorite Kill - The bed impalement is probably the most famous, but I have to go with the machete to the face of Mark, mainly for the tumble he takes down the stairs afterwards.

6. Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

I blame Stephen King (Carrie, Firestarter) for the weird telekinetic trend in horror during this time, and that aspect keeps this from being in my top three. Otherwise, it’s a totally solid, proper Jason movie, though oddly lacking in gore. He’s fully supernatural at this point, and this movie is an example of what I think a Friday the 13th movie should be. 

Favorite Kill - The original sleeping bag kill is my favorite for the entire series. It’s the perfect blend of brutality and humor that came to define the franchise.

5. Freddy vs. Jason

Iloved this movie when it first came out. Revisiting it, it doesn’t hold up as well as I remember, but it’s still a lot of fun. It never takes itself too seriously (how could it?), and it features some interesting kills. I’m with the bulk of the fans on some issues (not casting Kane Hodder and making Jason afraid of water come to mind), but overall this is one of the most rewatchable films in the series for me.

Favorite Kill - The dude getting bent in half in the bed is pretty sweet.

4. Jason X

Okay, having this entry here will make a lot of fans stop reading, and I get it. But this movie is self-aware of how stupid it is, and that’s why it works for me. Hats off to the filmmakers for somehow coming up with a reason to get Jason into outer space. There are some legit good kills in this one, and I fucking love the sleeping bag kill callback. And it’s nice to see that young people are still uncontrollably horny around Jason, even four and a half centuries into the future.

Favorite Kill - The frozen face smash is awesome, but I have to go with the sleeping bag recreation in the VR game. It took a classic kill from The New Blood and made it ridiculous...in a good way. 

3. Friday the 13th Part III

Not only was this the film that finally gave Jason his mask, it also started the trend of leaning a bit more into humor and camp (pun intended) in the series. Jason feels a bit more imposing this time, though he’s still just a human, for the most part. 

Favorite Kill - The kills are mostly 3D gimmicks that seem pretty silly when you watch it in 2D, but there’s still some good stuff here. My favorite is the spear gun, mainly because of how nonchalant Jason is during the entire kill. It’s like he’s just taking out the garbage...which, to him, I guess is the case.

2. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter

I linked to my full length article about this film at the top of the page, so my complete thoughts on the film are there. But the short version is this: I consider The Final Chapter to be the best movie in the series (though not the most enjoyable, hence it’s second place status). It is the bridge between human and monster Jason, and it’s a great mix of horror and comedy. For anyone who dislikes the supernatural element that the later films embraced, this is the film for them.

Favorite Kill - There are so many to choose from for this movie. I really like Crispin Glover’s death, and the lady getting thrown out of the window, and Jason’s “death,” but I have to go with the harpoon to the dick. It’s just such a subtle kill in a franchise that seems to punish horniness. 

1. Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives

This is the one where they finally said, “Fuck it” and went full Frankenstein’s monster with Jason, and I love it. I’m always slightly annoyed by slasher movies that make the killer superhuman even though it’s just some dude a lot of the time. The previous films were definitely setting up the fact that Jason was more than just a regular human, but this movie made no mistake. Once that lightning hits him, it’s a new Jason. It’s the Jason I grew up with. For me, this is the easiest rewatch of the series. And the Alice Cooper tie-in song puts it over the top. I sincerely love that silly song. Jason Lives was such a perfect course correction for fans disappointed by the copycat in Part V. It’s like the fans were saying, “Yeah, we know Jason definitively dies in The Final Chapter, but who cares? Bring him back anyway!” And the makers of Jason Lives did just that, and made the most entertaining film in the series.

Favorite Kill - The whole RV sequence perfectly encapsulates everything I love about the series. It’s brutal, silly, funny, and a genuinely impressive spectacle. What else could you want?

Don't Believe the Hype, but Check Out "It Follows" Anyway*

It Follows

*If you're looking for an '80s slasher movie inspired, weird horror film.

If there’s one thing that can ruin a good horror film (aside from a major spoiler), it’s a hyperbolic quote from a review. For some reason, horror films seem to be the only genre that have this problem. Sure, comedies and other films deal with lines like “the funniest movie in decades” or “the best comic book movie ever,” but everyone pretty much ignores them. But call a scary movie “the most terrifying film you will ever experience” (from the poster of the recent Evil Dead) or “one of the most striking American horror films in years” (a quote from The Dissolve featured on the poster for It Follows) and the film instantly creates a schism (at least online). It must be because of the goal of most horror films: scaring the viewers. Some people like to be scared, but an equal amount like to watch so-called scary movies just to dismiss them as “dumb” or “not scary at all.” There’s nothing wrong with this necessarily except that it cheapens the rare, unique horror film. It Follows is one of those rare horror films. Like any good horror film of recent years (such as last year’s equally divisive The Babadook), there’s more to the film than jump scares and creepiness. For the record, I found It Follows to be fairly effective in that some of the imagery stuck me with me days after watching it. Also for the record, whether or not the film was “scary” did not factor into my opinion. 

It Follows can be viewed on a literal level, and possible enjoyed on that level as well. On the surface, this is a story about a sexual curse. We’re not told the origins, but at some point someone was cursed and followed by a malicious entity (the titular It) that will follow you wherever you go. If it gets close enough to touch you, It will kill you. Then it will go the person who gave it to you and so on until the original cursed person is killed. So you have to pass it on and hope that person keeps the chain going. This sounds a bit silly, but consider these two elements, and it becomes creepy. First, It can take on pretty much any human appearance. Sometimes it’s a (very creepy looking) stranger, sometimes it is someone you know, and usually they are naked or generally scary-looking. Second, and more important for the psychological horror aspect, you can never feel safe once you’ve been cursed. The fact that It will work back down the chain means passing on the curse is only a temporary solution. 

When dealing with such a strange concept, it’s easy to search for an allegory. The most obvious, but problematic, theory would be that It represents sexually transmitted diseases. That works with the whole “follows you the rest of your life” aspect, but the fact that you seemingly “have” to pass it on makes it questionable. I can’t think of any other allegories that promote the spreading of STDs. 

The more interesting theories don’t focus on the sexual nature of the film. After all, It Follows is certainly reminiscent of another franchise that punishes young people for having sex: Friday the 13th. Those films used the sex as part of the thrill of the film. It’s a horror movie cliché now (check out The Cabin in the Woods for a hilarious send up of said clichés). It Follows pays homage to that factor but doesn’t focus on the sex as the punishable activity. In fact, there is no reason for this curse at all. It just is. There’s something in actual life that just exists without a clear reason: death. That’s what all horror films are about, really, but It Follows looks at it in a surprisingly deep way while also taking part in the fun of ‘80s slasher movies. (In that way, it reminded me of one of my favorite film's from last year, The Guest.) It's understandable if you think that I'm looking too far into this movie, and it really is just a simple horror film. I would be inclined to agree if not for a character reading from Dostoevsky's The Idiot multiple times in the film, usually quoting passages ruminating on the anticipation of death. This is the kind of thing that makes a movie like It Follows stand out from the pack.

Almost equally important, however, is the fact that It Follows fits in with the pack too. It is very much a slasher movie in its tensest moments. The stalking It is truly chilling and, honestly, more disturbing than your stereotypical movie monster. What makes it even better is the fact that It can be anyone. This means every scene has the potential for horror. I was constantly scanning the background looking for It. That made for a more rewarding experience. The  hypnotic camerawork adds a perfect amount of tension to the proceedings. It's all topped off with a synthesizer-heavy soundtrack that seems lifted from the early '80s. 

If this all sounds a bit weird it's because it is. Those looking for a standard horror film will come away disappointed. The film takes place in modern times, but there is very little evidence (The Idiot being read from an e-reader is pretty much the only modern...anything in the film) of this. It reminded me of Wes Anderson's style a bit, especially when you factor in the plan to get rid of It near the end. Perhaps a better comparison for the look of the film would be to imagine a horror film taking place in the world of Napoleon Dynamite. Not that It Follows is all that humorous; it just has a timeless style. 

Friday the 13th, The Idiot, Wes Anderson, Napoleon Dynamite, synthesizers...It Follows is definitely a strange concoction of a horror film, and that makes it that much better. Is it the "scariest" whatever in centuries? No. But why does it have to be? Can any movie truly be the best, scariest, funniest, dumbest, weirdest, etc.? Anything ending in "est" means it's the viewer's opinion. So don't worry about what some stranger's opinion on a poster or preview says. Don't worry about my opinion. Form your own based on your own experience. When I see something is being touted as the "scariest" or "most striking" film in years, I don't take that as a challenge to disagree. I hope it means the film is different from most. It Follows is certainly different, and that's good enough for me.

It Follows receives a:

"Milk" / "Friday the 13th" / Oscar rant

My name is Eric Harris and I'm here to recruit you to the idea that the Academy went political (California recently voted against gay marriage) and gave Sean Penn a slightly undeserved Oscar. More on that later, first the actual movie: Milk.



Milk is the story of Harvey Milk, the first openly gay elected official in San Francisco who was killed by Dan White (also an elected official). Milk is a nice guy and that makes him easy to like. People around him are happy and want him to do good and the audience gets right in step with them. That is the main factor of this film because Sean Penn plays Milk and Sean Penn is not known for being likable, or happy. Sean Penn is known for playing miserable people that do bad things and have bad things done to them. The man's face is a permanent scowl, for god's sake. So it is surprising, entertaining, and impressive to see Penn embodying Harvey Milk as he does. He won the Academy Award for this and I can see why (though I don't agree with it).


But this film has more going for it than performances. It has some ideas about hope and acceptance and who doesn't like that? The acceptance concerns gay rights and that is something that people to this day have a problem with. I didn't really need convincing from this film. If gay people want to get married or work in the same place I work, then they should be able to as far as I'm concerned. I was just hoping that this movie didn't turn out to be a two hour long gay pride parade with flamboyant gay people in risque costumes making out and rubbing each other. If that sounds anti-gay, so be it, but being heterosexual doesn't involve putting on displays of it, so why is sexuality and showmanship always part of gay pride stuff? Can't people be gay and wear suits and still get their point across? Yes, they can and this movie shows that. Though there is a bit of the flamboyance and whatnot, but it's not over the top or even unnecessary. This film walks a fine line and it keeps itself from being comical or too serious, also. It is entertaining and hopeful and that is thanks to Gus Van Sant.


Van Sant not only kept the movie balanced, but he also threw in some style here and there with some split screen work and some interesting angles. Is there some kind of film school message to be found with the scenes between Milk and White (in which they are shown from the shoulders up, but only take up half the screen)? I'm sure there is but I don't want to dissect it. I just noticed that it looked different and frankly, different is almost always better these days. So check out Milk for a great performance from Penn, two impressive performances from Hirsch and Franco, a balancing act from Van Sant, and ignore the annoying Diego Luna (you'll understand when you see it).



Now just a paragraph on the reboot of "Friday the 13th." No need to look deeply into this one. It has Jason, he kills people in semi-interesting ways. He runs now, which I thought was a mistake. The whole menacing thing about Jason is that he always walked but still caught up to everybody. Anyway, Jason kills potheads and oversexed college kids, so this is business as usual. The jokes are cheesy, but high school kids on down might enjoy them. There are a few odd references that I personally enjoyed (if the whole Heineken/Pabst Blue Ribbon thing wasn't a nod to "Blue Velvet" then that is just one of the biggest coincidences in film history). There are some unintentionally funny lines ("Where are you, gun?") and a guy screams just like a little girl at one point. So there is fun to be had here, but I think this is a misstep in the series. "Freddy Vs Jason" was much more enjoyable. I wish they would have stuck with that route. Oh, and Jason uses a bow and arrow in this, which I thought was odd.


Now for my Oscar rant. Sean Penn won Best Actor tonight in the bloated, overlong Academy Awards. I knew that he was neck and neck with Rourke, but I still thought Rourke would win because it's the better performance. I'm going back to my old mainstay argument when it comes to accting awards here. Milk was a real person and Sean Penn did a great impression of the guy. Mickey Rourke did not get to watch footage of Randy the Ram! He had to create something from the page. That is much more impressive to me. Not to mention that his performance is much more entertaining, if that matters anymore. But "The Wrestler" was about wrestling and giving an award for playing a wrestler doesn't give the Academy members the chance to pat themselves on the back as much as giving an award to the protrayer of a slain gay rights activist does. So I'm saying it was all political, especially since it was Penn who won, and that is the only way I can justify it. But here's to Mickey Rourke anyway, there's just going to be an empty spot next to the dozens of other awards you (rightfully) won before tonight.



Next week: I honestly don't know, nothing big comes out, I might just do a few DVD reviews - Frozen River, Changeling, Body of Lies...