The Thing - Directed by Matthijs van Heijningen Jr., written by Eric Heisserer, starring Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Eric Christian Olsen, and Joel Edgerton - Rated R
There are just so many issues with the film simply because the filmmakers could not decide if they really wanted to remake the film or just make a prequel. So they did both and both attempts are weak. As a remake, The Thing fails to live up to the original and when it does try to do anything different it becomes laughable. As a prequel, things get even goofier as the film tries to shoehorn in elements to bridge the two films together that feels completely forced. It just makes no sense to even make this film. Aside from the problems in The Thing it’s also unnecessary since the original film gave viewers a pretty good idea of what happened anyway.
The Thing isn’t redeemed by any characters or acting, either. For one thing, there are way too many characters for any connection to be made. Then they just start getting wiped out. Acting isn’t really going to save one note characters in a monster movie, so they can’t be blamed for anything but taking a paycheck and not reading the script.
The setting could have made up for lack of character since it is such an extreme location. How hard is it to make Antarctica a character in the film? The Thing messes that up, too, since the station is so populated it never feels isolated and the cold is never really acknowledged in any meaningful way. Sure, they mention that a storm is coming in or whatever a few times, but no one ever seems to be struggling when they are outside. In fact, at one point characters are seen just hanging out on the steps outside a building without so much as a sock hat on. Who takes a coffee break outside in Antarctica?
There are literally dozens of issues still to be covered, but what’s the point? The Thing is an unnecessary, crappy mess of a film that should not exist. It has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Avoid it at all costs and just watch the original. Hell, the 1982 film actually looks better than this “modern” one anyway.
Random Thoughts/Complaints (SPOILERS)
Why go into the spaceship if you have no intention of trying to figure out what the alien wants? By that I mean why take the film inside the spaceship. Just because it’s there? If the spaceship worked why did the alien ever leave it? It’s just nonsense.
What was with that Tetris game going on inside the ship? Was that their attempt to add something interesting to the inside of the ship? If so, it was stupid. It was strange and looked very fake and cartoonish.
Instead of a blood test they change it up and have them check for cavity fillings. That might be the dumbest thing I’ve seen in a movie this year. And yes, the ridiculousness of it is slightly acknowledged but that doesn’t excuse it.
Even the score sucked for this movie. They tried to incorporate the original score, but also tried to spice it up with drums and crap whenever something “big” was happening. It felt like Independence Day or something.
I wanted to walk out of this movie. I was tired of it after a half hour and just wanted it to end. Completely disappointing and even infuriating when compared to the original. But let me be clear, this crappy movie in no way ruins the original for me. The original will always be there and it will continue to gain new fans. Thankfully, this garbage will be forgotten by most people by the end of the month.