Tuesday, June 9, 2020

"Swelter" - Why, Jean-Claude, Why?

SPOILERS ahead, but who cares?


It’s the first post of the month, so it’s time for another Jean-Claude Van Damme movie. Lately I’ve been deciding to hold off on the more well-known Van Damme movies so I don’t have to finish this series off by writing about twenty DTV movies in a row. So each month I go through JCVD’s filmography to revisit (or in this case, watch for the first time) a lesser known movie. That is how I came across Swelter. This movie is only a few years old, and it features Van Damme in a supporting role for some reason. Lennie James is the star, and Alfred Molina is also in it in a more prominent role than Van Damme. The movie itself is forgettable and is oddly similar to U Turn. But what intrigued me the most was why Van Damme would do this movie at all. 

"I'm getting too old for this shit."

Swelter is about a criminal-turned-sheriff (James) with a hazy past. Ten years ago, the sheriff was part of a casino heist. After being shot, the gang leaves him behind with the money. They get captured and he gets away. Cut to present day, and the gang members are out of prison and want the money that the sheriff got away with. 

There’s a lot more bullshit going on with the story, but that’s the gist of it. The plot is not very interesting, but Van Damme’s casting is. He’s not the sheriff, which is fine, but most perplexing is that he isn’t the head of the gang. Van Damme is onscreen nearly every time the gang leader is, so why not just cast him in the role? Instead, Grant Bowler portrays the gang leader and has more screen time and many more lines than Van Damme. It’s perplexing.

I kind of get Van Damme playing third fiddle to James and Molina, but fourth fiddle with Bowler ahead of him? What the fuck is happening? Despite being onscreen quite a bit, Van Damme barely speaks until forty-five minutes into the movie. It’s distracting. Anyone watching has to be waiting for more to happen with his character, but it never really goes anywhere, though there is a slight attempt.

At the halfway point, Van Damme suddenly becomes a character. He’s weary of the criminal life, which is why he says, “I’m getting too old for this shit.” He develops a nearly unspoken relationship with a local bartender, and he eventually has a change of heart about being in the gang. He confronts a fellow gang member after said member rapes a young woman. In the ensuing fight, he gets stabbed and dies. Later, it’s revealed that the bartender kept his last unfinished glass of whiskey as a tribute to him. 

This odd bit of characterization feels completely tacked on. It’s as if the filmmaker was surprised that Van Damme would take such a nothing role, so he decided to make something up for him halfway through filming. I just don’t get why Van Damme would settle for this role. It’s not so much that he’s too old for such a part, but he is too famous for it.

I know that Van Damme isn’t exactly a hot commodity these days, but Swelter isn’t a popular movie. This is the type of movie Van Damme should star in. Instead, he’s in a role that he would have taken in the early days of his career, like in No Retreat, No Surrender. I’m sure the role paid well, and that’s the main reason for him to take the job. It’s just a shame to see him so under utilized. 

I suppose what upsets me the most about this role is that Van Damme took it for such a shitty, unknown movie. Maybe he thought this was going to turn out to be something. I’ve often thought that Van Damme needs to abandon being the star in these DTV movies and take lesser roles in theatrical films. I hope that’s what he thought he was doing with Swelter. Hopefully, if Van Damme decides to take a small role again in the near future, he’ll be more discerning and find a film that actually makes it into theaters. 

Why Do I Own This?

It's a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie...but I wish I didn't own this because he's barely in this one, and the movie is an incomprehensible slog.


Random Thoughts 

Van Damme's character is William Stillman. Fuckin' Bill Stillman, are you serious? 

Five minutes in, and all the attempts at being "stylish" are very annoying: the choppy flashback, the way-too-mobile camera, shots framed by a cross or from above a ceiling fan, blood spatter on the camera, etc.

"They haven't moved in ten years."
"Neither have my bowels."
What? Come on, make a dick joke here. Not shitting for ten years is fucking stupid. Either joke is lame, but at least go with one that makes sense, especially when a fucking doctor is delivering the line.

So the sheriff doesn't even want a place to play pool in town? This movie came out in 2014! Is playing pool still something people worry about? Does he want to ban dancing, too?

So the burlesque dancers have to clock in, but their routine was less than two minutes long. Are they paid by the second?

No roundhouse kicks yet, but a lady does want to immediately bang Van Damme when she meets him at about forty-five minutes in, and that's definitely a staple of Van Damme movies.

Everyone is this fucking movie is so vague it's never clear what exactly is going on with most of the characters. 

And there are just way too many bland characters to keep track of, much less care about.

Surely Van Damme isn't going out by being stabbed by a rapist…

...I guess he is. Fuck. This. Movie.

..

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