This should have occurred to me years ago, but, thanks to a text from my brother, I just realized that The Return of the Living Dead is a Fourth of July zombie movie. Technically the movie begins on July 3, but at least half of it and the ending takes place on the holiday. Anyway, that’s the only reason I need to write a little something about one of my favorite horror comedies.
“The events portrayed in this movie are all true.”
You know you’re in for a good time with Return from the first frame, which announces, “The events portrayed in this movie are all true. The names are real names of real people and real organizations.” Sure, there’s reference to movies changing the true story in the film, but that’s still a funny way to start a zombie movie.
While I tend to prefer the Romero movies (Day is my favorite), The Return of the Living Dead is there when I want to, pardon the pun, turn my brain off and have fun. The zombies talk, mostly about brains, and all the characters react hilariously, though arguably realistically.
The zombies are a big reason for the fun of the film. Instead of sticking to any annoying rules, these zombies are fast and loose, literally and figuratively. If the Army chemical (245 Trioxin) is exposed, everyone becomes a zombie. And destroying the brain won’t stop anything. Chopping a zombie to pieces won’t stop it. Nuking the twenty square blocks of Louisville won’t stop it. Also, the zombies run and talk. In other words, these are fun zombies.
A more serious film might take the talking zombies, who need to eat brains to stop the pain of death, and try to make a statement about addiction or some other serious, miserable crap. But it’s just a fact in this movie. And the talking is mainly used for comedic effect, with the constant refrain of “Brains!” or a zombie asking dispatch for “more cops” or an undead boyfriend trying to guilt trip his girlfriend into putting out…her brains.
Growing up, I was hung up on zombie rules. Bullet to the brain, they can only walk, they can’t talk, etc. Then I watched this movie and realized why I love zombies to begin with. When I was a kid, and still as an adult, if I were to act like a zombie, I would absolutely yell, “Brains!” Before I got into the movies, I just assumed this was how all zombies acted in all movies. Romero’s movies, and my own stupid need to take my fandom so seriously, turned me into one of those insufferable pricks who might correct someone if they said, “Brains,” when acting like a zombie with an, “Actually, in Romero’s films…” Embarrassing.
Return taught me to chill out and just enjoy a different version of the genre. I still love the Romero movies, but I can’t turn one of those on unless I plan on giving it my full attention. When I go on autopilot, this is my zombie movie.
It’s also my living people in a zombie movie zombie movie. Typically, any zombie movie or show is meant to turn the tables of the living characters and pose such questions as, “Who are the real zombies: the undead monsters, or the mindless consumers walking through malls every day?” That’s fine, and I don’t mind posing such questions when I watch some of these, but the people in Return are simply entertaining in their reactions to the outbreak.
All the punk characters are amusing enough here, even delving into self-parody at times (“You think this is a costume?”), but for me the best moments belong to Frank (James Karen) and Burt (Clu Gulager). When the first zombie comes to life, you expect Freddy to freak out and the older Frank to try to calm him down. Nope. Frank loses his goddamn mind immediately, and is arguably more terrified than Freddy. It’s a blast watching Freddy and Frank blubber and sob as they deal with an undead split dog and a now-living cadaver in the deep freeze.
Burt ends up being the voice of reason you expect Frank to be, but he takes it so far it becomes humorous. Typically, there’s a skeptic in a film like this that tries to calm people down and tell them there must be a logical reason for everything. Very quickly, this character changes his tune and becomes just as scared as everyone else. Not Burt. He knows what’s up from the get-go because he knows what’s in the barrels.
Burt does lose his shit a few times, but overall he’s funny because he’s logical in the most illogical scenario. Instead of going to his mortuary buddy, Ernie, in a panic. He casually drops in and makes up some stupid shit about “rabid weasels” before he’s forced to tell him the truth. And while Burt certainly does his share of yelling in the film, I never think he truly loses his shit. Even at the end, as he hears the whistling of the nuke on its way to somehow only kill 4,000 people in Louisville, he still seems calm. There’s something to be said, perhaps, about his trust in the government that when shit really hits the fan, they will be able to take care of it. Maybe that says something about trusting the government, but I don’t care, and I don’t think the movie cares. It’s just funny, and that’s all I want from Return of the Living Dead.
Random Thoughts
July 3, 1984 is on a Tuesday, yet Burt is talking about the 4th of July weekend and a barbecue on that coming Sunday. Man, Burt really stretches the holiday.
“All skeletons come from India.”
The army’s plan for recovering the missing zombie corpses is to wait for someone to call the number on the barrel. Awesome.
James Karen in full freak out mode after waking up is refreshing for this genre. Usually, his type of character would be skeptical and saying shit like, “There’s got to be an explanation for this!” But instead, he’s running around yelling, “Oh, God! Oh, Jesus!”
The eye test in the office reads, “Burt is a slave driver and a cheap son of a bitch who’s going bald, too ha ha.”
One way this is actually realistic is that they talk about zombie movies when coming up with a plan to kill them. That’s exactly how I would handle the situation, and I would be promptly killed.
The headless naked zombie is hilarious.
“Do you want to party?” kicking in when the first graveyard corpse comes to life is an all-time needle drop. And the filmmakers agree since they simply re-used the scene for the ending shot.
“Are you crazy? Are you on PCP?” That is exactly how I greet everyone who comes to my door.
Talking zombies are so great, but they only work for horror comedies.
The fact that the zombies eat brains to make the pain go away makes this film the best zombie film as an allegory for the opioid epidemic.
You have to appreciate a movie that’s so confident that a montage of scenes from the movie plays during the credits. Not outtakes or anything like that, just replayed footage from earlier in the movie.
The colonel at the end says “Louisville” incorrectly, but he wouldn’t be expected to know the local way, being from San Diego.
No comments:
Post a Comment