Alien - Ranked

For the fifteen of you who regularly visit this site, you know the drill: I can’t just watch one entry in a franchise anymore without watching everything, and if I’m going to devote that much time to a series, then I’m going to rank it in an attempt to get tens of clicks. 

I love the Alien franchise, even if I am a little late to the game. Growing up, I don’t think I watched any of them. In fact, when Alien vs. Predator came out, I think it may have technically been only the second Alien movie I had ever seen. Thankfully, I was able to remove my head from my ass and embrace the series. There’s only one movie on this list that I actually dislike, and I still own that one, too, so I enjoyed revisiting all of these. I even watched both the theatrical and unrated/director’s/Special Edition/Assembly Cut versions of all of these this time around, so, where applicable, I’ll also mention which version I prefer. (And if you don’t own the quadrilogy and physical releases of the AVP movies, just keep an eye out for when the series is on Max, which has the alternate cuts under the Extras tab.)

1. Alien

The eternal sci-fi dork question: “Which do you like more, Alien or Aliens?” For me, it’s always been Alien. The mood and tension created by Scott in that film is masterful. I could watch hours of tracking shots through the Nostromo. Add to that the grimy future in which a bunch of space truckers have to fight an alien, and you have one of my favorite films of all time. 

Theatrical or “Director’s Cut”: Ridley Scott introduces the director’s cut by basically saying it’s not a director’s cut, and that the studio just wanted him to make a new cut so they could call it that. He considers the theatrical cut the best version, and so do I. I do like the extended argument about Ripley not opening the airlock, and seeing Dallas and Brett cocooned is cool (though it doesn’t make much sense as there’s no way for them to be impregnated, maybe the xenomorph was saving them on the off chance it found some eggs). But the director’s cut shortens those tracking shots I love, so from here on out, I’m sticking with theatrical.

2. Aliens

Truly one of the best sequels of all time largely because it has no interest in recreating the original. Cameron wanted to make an action movie instead of a horror movie to awesome effect. Assembling a great group of characters and even better actors made the seemingly impossible possible: Cameron made a fun Alien movie.

Theatrical or Special Edition: I’ve seen people shit on the Special Edition for the early scene at the settlement, claiming it ruins the suspense when the Marines show up later. Maybe that’s true the first time you watch this, but come on, who seriously watches this and thinks that everything at the settlement is probably going great? Aside from that, the most important addition was Ripley’s daughter, who lived an entire life and died while Ripley was in cryosleep. Maybe this makes her surrogate motherhood of Newt too obvious, but it works better on me (maybe I’m just a dumbass, though), so I’m a Special Edition guy. And of course Cameron is too; dude never made a movie he didn’t think needed thirty more minutes.

3. Prometheus

And now I’ve lost some of you. I don’t care. I love this movie. At this point in the series, they had milked the Ripley character and the xenomorphs all that they possibly could. So instead of returning to that well, Scott instead decided to connect the series to the origin of humanity. I can see why people found it unnecessary or silly or stupid, but I was on board from the very beginning with this one. And Michael Fassbender as David is the perfect element that puts this above everything but the first two films for me. 

Shockingly, there’s no other cut of this one.

4. Alien³

And I’ve lost the rest of you. Sure, the behind the scenes drama is arguably more interesting than the movie itself, but I’ve always dug Fincher’s vision. To go from the guns blazing adrenaline shot of Aliens to this dour, gun-less nihilistic take is a bold choice, and I’m all for it. 

Theatrical or Assembly Cut: There are those that find the theatrical cut unwatchable and claim the Assembly Cut saves the film. I certainly prefer the Assembly Cut, but I don’t hate the theatrical cut like many do. I find it a little confusing at times, but the overall mood and aesthetic of the film is intact. But yeah, the Assembly Cut is far and away the better version.

5. Alien: Covenant

I’m still disappointed that this is only half a sequel to Prometheus, and the most interesting parts happened between movies or in a brief flashback. But overall, this is a good combination of what the series was and what Scott turned it into. And Fassbender in a dual role is simply a delight. 

There is only the theatrical cut of this film.

6. Alien: Romulus

I wrote more in depth about the film here. But basically, a couple fan service moments really took me out of it, but the overall look of the movie and the simple focus on survival made it enjoyable for me, though nothing special.

There is only the theatrical cut of this one, for now.

7. Alien: Resurrection

I hated this the first time I saw it, but I come around on it a bit more each time I watch it. I appreciate the hardcore sci-fi turn they took setting it two hundred years farther into the future. It’s a bit goofier and nastier than all the other movies, but you can’t claim it didn’t go for something new. But it’s low on my list because it’ll always be the movie in which Ripley fucking dunked a basketball.

Theatrical or Special Edition: Much like with the first film, Jeunet says the theatrical is his preferred cut and this was just made for the Quadrilogy release. The main differences I clocked were a silly CG bug opening, a couple references to Newt, and an extended ending showing a destroyed Paris. None of it added much for me. I’m okay with watching the theatrical cut if that’s all that’s available to me, but I guess if the Special Edition is an option, I’ll take it.

8. Alien vs. Predator 

Don’t be fooled by this low ranking; I actually like this stupid shit. It helps that I don’t take it seriously, and I don’t consider it to be truly part of the franchise. It definitely takes itself a little too seriously and takes too long setting up characters we all know are destined to be chestbursted or…um…Predatorized, but there’s still fun to be had with this one, even if it is more of a Predator than an Alien movie. 

Theatrical or Unrated: This one caught some extra shit for being PG-13 when the two series it was mashing up were exclusively R, and I agree with the criticism. They attempted to mend this with an unrated DVD that includes a promise of “more violence” on the back. The unrated cut fixes this a little bit with some CG blood and few slightly more gruesome elements, but this is still far too tame for this showdown. But yeah, if I’m watching this, I’m going unrated every time.

9. Alien vs. Predator: Requiem

The only movie on this list I don’t like and don’t want to ever see again. I like the premise of the fight taking place in a small town, and there’s plenty of gruesome shit in this, but it’s all so dark it might as well be PG-13-level violence. Also, this should be more fun, but it’s just a slog, and when I can’t even tell what’s going on in the slog, then it’s something I’d rather not watch again.

Theatrical or Unrated: I really don’t care. The back of this DVD promised “more gore,” but the only thing that would have interested me was “more light.” The unrated cut does show a young boy die from a chestburster if that’s something you want to see.

"Avatar"

Avatar - Written and directed by James Cameron, starring Sam Worthington, Stephen Lang, and Zoe Saldana - Rated PG 13


For the flat out awesome experience, this film gets a Vader.

Wow...just wow. Avatar, the long awaited, majorly hyped new film from writer-director James Cameron is simply amazing. When watched in IMAX 3D it turns plain movie watching into a unique and breathtaking experience. There were times when I found myself with a grin on my face or with my mouth hanging open during this film. It completely encompasses you into the story in such a literal way that it will leave you wanting to go back in the theater and experience it all over again. Now, I've got my excited gushing out of the way, so let's get into the specifics.

Avatar takes place on the lush planet Pandora in 2154. Earth has run out of natural fuel resources, so a corporation sets up a military/scientific base on Pandora to try and come up with a way to get the precious Unobtanium under the planet's surface. To get the valuable substance, however, they have to deal with the Na'vi, the large, blue-skinned natives who are none too happy to see the "aliens" on their planet. Enter Jake Sully (Sam Worthington), a paraplegic Marine, who is given the opportunity to take the place of his recently deceased twin brother in the avatar program the scientists have come up with. The scientists, led by Dr. Grace Augustine (Sigourney Weaver), want a diplomatic solution for the Unobtanium retrieval. To do this, they have spliced Na'vi and human DNA to create Na'vi vessels to be remotely controlled by the scientists. This way, they may be accepted into the Na'vi culture and could possibly convince them to simply move away from the main source of Unobtanium.

As you can imagine, things haven't been going so well for the corporation and they've decided to solve their problem with military action. Jake is asked by Col. Miles Quaritch (played to hardcore Marine perfection by Stephen Lang) to play along with the scientists' diplomatic mission, all the while reporting back to him for military reconnaissance. That's as far into the plot I want to go, but if you've seen the previews, you know that things eventually get violent. But you can experience that for yourself.

What helps you experience Avatar is the character of Jake Sully. He's a newcomer to Pandora and he's never remotely controlled an avatar. So he's our newbie guide and it's a perfect way to set the film up. We get to experience the beautiful world of Pandora with the same amazed grin as Jake when he first enters the jungle. The strange plant life and assorted beasts that populate the planet confuse and amuse Jake and we, the audience, are likewise amused.

Just showing off a pretty new planet to the audience isn't enough to make a great film, though. (I would argue, however, that the special effects alone make this film worth watching.) Cameron throws Jake into the Na'vi culture completely and we're treated to a rich and compelling society. The best comparison I can think of is Dances with Wolves, especially since the Na'vi, with their connection to the living planet, so closely resemble Native Americans (which is most likely why Wes Studi plays the chief/leader of the people).

A soldier entering a foreign society only to become emotionally invested in it is not all that original, but when you stop and consider what you are seeing on screen, it seems completely new and fresh. That's because you are watching ten foot tall blue creatures the whole time, not a single one of them practically made. This is all done through motion capture technology and it is stunning. I didn't consider the Na'vi to be silly CG creatures created only to show off new movie technology. I saw them as complete characters in the film and it didn't take very long for me to side with them in the struggle. Sure, you're supposed to side with them, but I usually have an aversion to films that treat the majority of the human race as greedy, hateful creatures. When it comes to fictional alien races or the human race's needs, I'm usually all for taking out the aliens for the greater good (or comfort) of humanity. But this time the aliens seem to be much more in touch with humanity, if that makes sense. Does all of this sound a bit heavy handed and even downright cheesy? I can see that argument, but I would only agree with that if the movie was terrible. As far as I'm concerned, Avatar bought itself a free pass for a sappy political message or two once I was treated to a few flybys and jungle treks in glorious 3D.

If you think nature looks amazing in 3D, just wait until stuff starts getting blown up. Cameron has long been known as a master of the action film (after Aliens, Terminator & T2, and True Lies) and he does not disappoint here. Aerial battles, ground battles, and good old fashioned one on one showdowns are all impressive and never overbearing.

Usually, I might find myself waiting for each action scene, but in this film I was always interested and fully invested, even when there weren't arrows or bombs flying through the air. Part of that is character development and story, but part of that is acting as well. I've already mentioned Lang's hardnosed turn, but that's simple stuff; his character is a human. It's the motion capture performances that sell the film. I'm not saying Worthington deserves an Oscar or anything, but he is perfect when it comes to making an awestruck face. And while the face itself may be computer generated, his performance is not. His voiceover segments of the film (done through periodic video logs) help keep the film together as well. There's a sincerity in his voice that I found completely convincing.

This all sounds great, I know. It sounds nearly perfect, but Avatar is not without its faults. First off, the Na'vi look amazing and nearly look photo-realistic, but when a Na'vi is interacting directly next to a human, it looks kind of goofy. The contrast between the species may be the cause of it, but regardless I found myself chuckling a few times when I wasn't supposed to. These moments are few and far between, though. Secondly: Michelle Rodriguez. Ugh, I have had it with her tough girl characters (Resident Evil, The Fast and the Furious, S.W.A.T.) that always have plenty of witty remarks to solidify their toughness. She has to be the least versatile actress in the business. Thankfully, she only has a couple of moments in the film, but I cringe every time I see her on screen. But that's not a knock against the film itself; it's more of a personal preference type of thing. I just wish Cameron could've held off from inserting yet another tough as nails female character into his film. Zoe Saldana's Na'vi character Neytiri filled the female warrior slot fine on her own. These are very minor issues, though, and they don't keep Avatar from being a great film.

There are many more ideas and aspects of the film that could be discussed but I think I've made my point. Avatar is an experience like nothing in recent film memory and everyone should see it. Whether or not James Cameron has made his masterpiece is something only time will tell, but one thing's for sure: he's created one hell of a ride. I, for one, can't wait to go again.