Blair Witch - Lost in the Franchise Woods

Note: I wasn’t planning on watching the three Blair Witch movies until my five-year-old son marked on his face with a pen, and I noticed that it looked like one of the stick figures from the series. When I saw that all three of them were easily available to me, it was on.

Over the past few years, I’ve made a point to get more into horror franchises. Until relatively recently, I had not seen most of the films of all the major series: Friday the 13th, Nightmare, Halloween, etc. Now that I've covered most of the popular franchises, I’m branching (pun intended) out. After revisiting the first Blair Witch Project, I finally watched the two sequels.

There’s no point getting into the phenomenon of The Blair Witch Project. Anyone who’s seen the movie is probably aware of the original marketing campaign and all that. Instead, I wanted to get into how such an insanely successful film didn’t spawn a once-a-year horror franchise a la Saw and Paranormal Activity. 

The first film is still polarizing, with many dismissing it as an unscary, boring gimmick. But it worked on me back in 1999, and it still works today. Found footage in the woods will always creep me out, and the low-fi filming coupled with the mythology of both the titular witch and the film itself made for an unnerving experience. And that ending is among one of my favorite horror endings of all time. I’m not alone, and the movie is still one of the most successful films of all time. So of course there would be a sequel.

Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 had the opposite buzz of the original. Its reputation was bad enough that I just skipped it and only watched it for the first time a couple days ago. I knew they at least didn’t do found footage again, but the general consensus was that it was awful and should not have been made. Watching now without the burden of expectations, I still didn’t care for it.

Book of Shadows starts off promising enough, setting up a meta scenario in which the town from the first film is now being inundated with annoying fans of the original film. And while the first film is what brings the main characters to the woods, the initial interesting premise is ditched for some amnesia/possession mindfuck lameness that primarily takes place in an abandoned factory converted into an apartment. It very much felt like a standalone movie that was shoehorned into the attempted Blair Witch franchise, and based on a little Wikipedia search, that was the case. 

I don’t like just generally shitting on a movie, though, and the first few minutes did have me hopeful. I suppose I would rather have had a movie that was more about the townspeople, and a new group of tourists could be attacked in a similar fashion to the first film, but it’s revealed to be locals trying to scare them away. Then things get out of hand, and there are some murders, etc. This probably wouldn’t have had much success, either, but I feel like that would be more in keeping with the series

The tepid response to Book of Shadows seemed to kill any hopes of a franchise until 2016 with the release of Blair Witch. I skipped out on this one to the point that I forgot it existed. Blair Witch was an attempt to get back to the original film, to a fault. 

Blair Witch is about Heather’s little brother, grown up now, searching for her in the woods after seeing a YouTube video that appears to show her. It’s all found footage, again under the guise of making a documentary, and pretty much all the same stuff happens, but this time the cameras are better, and they have a drone. There’s also more witch stuff, and by that I mean they show the witch (a spindly monster reminiscent of the thing in REC). It’s all fine, I guess, but pretty pointless. 

Based on a few Letterboxd reviews I’ve seen, however, it straight up pissed people off with more than a few reviews reduced to simply, “Fuck off.” I get that response, as this is essentially a remake that brings nothing new to the table. And the updated technology is gimmicky (the drone is fucking worthless and features more than one annoying scene of a slow drone takeoff with the characters standing there watching). My biggest issue with the updated cameras is this need for modern horror movies to distort the video whenever something creepy happens. What’s the point of having high definition if you’re just going to distort anything worth seeing? Anyway, it was more of a forgettable than enraging experience for me, but it did make it clear that this property is not meant to be a franchise.

Blair Witch was an attempt to fix the assumed mistake of Book of Shadows by going back to found footage, but it’s clear that fans didn’t want this anymore than they wanted Book of Shadows. The only use of the two sequels to the original has been to prove there is no formula to follow for a Blair Witch movie. That first film was a combination of once in a lifetime marketing opportunity thanks to the early days of the internet, and popularizing the found footage gimmick. Unlike a series like Paranormal Activity, you couldn’t just keep throwing victims to the witch. With that found footage series, you could always change up the family or the ghost or whatever. But Blair Witch is too tied to the mythology, and there’s really nowhere to go with it. We don’t want to just see a new group of people get killed by the witch over and over again. And we don’t want to see more of the witch, either. 

It may seem obvious to say Blair Witch should have ended with the first film, especially since there are a few horror franchises that would’ve been fine being one and done (Halloween and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre come to mind). But there’s fun to be had with even the silliest horror franchise (give me Leprechaun and Jason in space, and I’ll have some dumb fun; hell, find a way to send Chucky, Leatherface, and Michael Myers up there, too). There’s no fun to be had with Blair Witch. It was a unique experience for its time, and it should have stayed that way. But the cat’s out of the bag already, so I guess we’ll see if they come up with something interesting when the inevitable reboot/reimagining/legacy sequel comes out in the next few years.

Oppenheimer - "Can You Hear the Music?"

 

“Can You Hear the Music?”

I am an admitted Nolan fanboy (Tenet was my favorite film the year it came out), so I was extremely excited to see Oppenheimer this past July. After leaving the theater, I appreciated how great it was (the acting, music, sense of scope, etc.), but I didn’t exactly enjoy it. I had the same reaction to Dunkirk (which I need to rewatch, since I like this film more each time I see it). I just thought that I preferred Nolan when he stays in the fully fictional world; his true stories were too limited by history. 

A few months later, I was able to watch it again at home, and again, and again…I’ve watched it eight times now. Initially, I only watched it a second time because it’s Nolan, and seemingly everyone had declared the film a masterpiece. I just wanted to see if what I missed would suddenly click. And it did.

My relationship with this movie is best summed up by the scene between Niels Bohr and Oppenheimer early in the film. He asks how good Robert’s mathematics skills are, and when he hears they aren’t great, he says, “Algebra’s like sheet music. The important thing isn’t, “Can you read music?’ It’s ‘Can you hear it?’ Can you hear the music, Robert?”

This perfectly sums up what I have loved about Nolan’s past two films. I will never understand the science behind what’s going on onscreen, but I love the feeling and experience created in the films. Nolan has caught shit for his sound mixes being so loud that dialogue cannot be understood, but that’s the point. Hearing specific details about how inversion works in Tenet or quantum physics works in Oppenheimer would be completely wasted on my dumbass. But an amazing score set to riveting visuals I can understand and enjoy. I can hear that music.

Speaking literally about music, this is something else that has been vital in his past two films (although almost all of his work features prominent scores). Tenet utilized a complex score that incorporated backwards music, and helped set the tone for a grand, serious story about saving the world. Likewise, Oppenheimer’s score is equally complex (in ways that I don’t completely understand due to my lack of musical knowledge) in how it shifts seamlessly from important moments of history to foreboding tones of what this work will lead to while also featuring softer moments of the human relationships established throughout. The cliché is that a score should be enjoyed but not noticed, but with Ludwig Göransson’s Tenet and Oppenheimer scores, it is clear that the score can be an integral and noticeable aspect of a great film. Hans Zimmer may have made Nolan’s most famous (and copied) scores, but Göransson has made the best and most complementary ones. 

With Tenet and Oppenheimer, my first viewings left me a bit confused and not exactly blown away, but thanks to Nolan’s reputation and visuals along with an interesting score, I knew I needed to revisit these films. Because of this, my appreciation of both films only grows with each new viewing. And this has led to Oppenheimer becoming the most watched film for me in Nolan’s filmography. I don’t fully understand what’s going on here, but I can hear the music, and that’s all that matters.

Small Moments in a Big Film

While Oppenheimer is this big film essentially about the end of the world filled with huge moments and lengthy and dense dialogue scenes, it’s a film filled with little moments that I love that bring me back to the movie again and again. I just wanted to mention them here.

First is the “Can you hear the music?” scene I went into detail about above. I have nothing to add there aside from that I’ve seen a YouTube clip of this scene posted by someone at a screening that featured a full orchestra performing the score live, and I am extremely jealous.

The introduction of Groves is great. Damon isn’t getting enough credit for his performance here, providing some drastically needed humor to this serious film. And I love it when he sends Dane DeHaan off to dry clean his jacket.

This is also the first time you hear the theme that plays signifying the friendship developed here that reappears a couple more times later on.

I was worried about Einstein being in this movie at first because he’s become more of a character than an actual human at this point in history, but the scene in which Oppenheimer tells him about the possibility of igniting the atmosphere put my fears to rest.

Casey Affleck showing up to be a creepy bastard.

The way the score starts to incorporate Geiger counter noises as they get closer to completing the bomb…er…gadget.

The Trinity test, of course.

The crux of the film, and the most effective individual moment, for me is Oppenheimer’s speech after the bomb had been dropped. The sound design of this moment puts you right into Oppenheimer’s mind as he wrestles with this celebration of death he feels responsible for, but the standout moment is when a scream is isolated from the cheering crowd. Within a jubilant, patriotic assembly, such a scream would just blend in; but isolated from it, it sounds more like someone’s response to witnessing a nuclear weapon destroy the world around them. I get chills every time I watch this scene, and I’m getting them as I write about it.

Truman calling Oppenheimer a cry baby.

Oppenheimer snubbing Strauss’s loser son and fiancée. 

Matthew Modine’s righteous anger at the closed hearing: “Excuse me, gentlemen, if I become stirred. But I am.”

Oppenheimer realizing Groves had Pash transferred.

Groves’s nod to Oppenheimer as he leaves the hearing. And, “But I don’t think I’d clear any of those guys,” and Jason Clarke’s dickhead smile in response.

Emily Blunt’s takedown of Clarke: “‘Cause I don’t like your phrase.”

Downey, Jr.’s angry meltdown at the end, during which they should have just had young Han Solo hand him an Oscar.

Emily Blunt’s response to Teller’s attempted handshake.

The final scene revealing the conversation with Einstein, and that perfect ending moment, conveying the guilt Oppenheimer will carry with him for the rest of his life.

Random Thoughts / Favorite Quotes

As a lifelong resident of Indiana who grew up playing basketball, it’s hard to associate the sound of people stomping on gym bleachers in a negative connotation.

With each rewatch, I enjoy the old man (John Gowans, who was first credited as an old man in 2003) in the hearing more and more. It’s great when he laughs along with Emily Blunt, but his best moment is when Oppenheimer tells them that Berkeley only had the leading physics department once he had built it, and the old dude nods like, “That’s right, motherfuckers.”

It’s nice watching young Han Solo and old Iron Man be slight dicks to each other for the whole movie while Jeff from American Dad! just kind of hangs out, eating soup and whatnot.

The same dude who brought Michael Myers his mask in Halloween (2018) is the same dude who suggests treason to Oppenheimer. This fucker needs to just leave people alone.

Oppenheimer putting on his high-waisted pants and dorky hat and grabbing his pipe is treated with the same reverence as the first time Batman puts on the Batsuit.

James Urbaniak was brought in to say one line about trees with a German accent.

Before his standout moment near the end in his testimony at the hearing, Oscar-winner Rami Malek’s main role is to have writing implements taken or smacked away by Oppenheimer.

Dane DeHaan has aged to become the perfect wormy guy in a movie.

It took me eight watches of this to finally notice that someone was playing the bongos two different times at Los Alamos: at the Christmas party/Niels Bohr surprise and after the Trinity test. With very little research, I found out it was Richard Feynman, and he really did play the bongos.

“Birth control is a little out of my jurisdiction, General.”

Groves, seeing a pregnant Kitty: “Clearly.”

“I worry about an America where we do these things and no one protests.”

The isolated scream during the pep rally speech gives me chills every time.

“You shook his fucking hand?” Why did he tell her that he shook his hand?

“...but I don’t think I’d clear any of those guys.”

The score takes on a softer tone when Groves leaves the hearing and gives Oppenheimer a nod. It’s the little moments like that that stick with me.

In fact, that part is actually a little theme that plays during another moment when Oppenheimer realizes that Groves had Pash transferred. It’s the “Groves was really my friend” theme.

“Only a fool or an adolescent presumes to know someone else’s relationship.”

I now believe that Lewis Strauss was behind the JFK assassination.

Emily Blunt deserves a nomination just for that look she gives Teller when he goes to shake her hand.

Halloween - Ranked

When I started watching this entire series, I wasn’t much of a fan. I had seen the original and a handful of sequels, but there were a lot of blindspots. Now that I’ve watched them all (some of them multiple times), I’m definitely a fan of the series, though it still ranks beneath Friday the 13th for me. For the most part, I enjoy the original but then I want something different from the sequels and remakes. The series is so all over the place, but I find something to enjoy in all of these movies. Some are funny, some are brutal, some are so bad they’re good, etc. In other words, this isn’t a scientific ranking. It’s just which ones are my favorite at the time. I’ve already written about all of these in individual articles, so I’ll keep my reasoning short for each entry. Just know that this is the ranking of someone who watched all of these close together and that rewatchability is a big factor for me.

Oh, and speaking as someone who has done a number of these horror rankings now, this series is the absolute worst when it comes to keeping the titles unique. There are three Halloweens and two Halloween IIs, for instance. It makes writing about it annoying as I don’t like having to include years in parentheses after the title. Anyway, I just wanted to bitch about that a little. 

1. Halloween (1978)

When I first watched this years ago, I didn’t understand why it was considered a classic, especially in terms of John Carpenter’s work. While it’s still a bit low among Carpenter’s work for me, my appreciation of this as a slasher film has grown with each new viewing. I love the simplicity of it. There is no baggage to this film that every sequel and remake inevitably has to deal with. You can just sit back and enjoy it. I also like how much of it takes place during the day time, and, of course, Carpenter’s music is perfect.

2. Halloween Ends

I imagine I lost a few people with this one, but who cares? I love this entry. I honestly considered putting it at number one for a bit. The mood of the film gets me every time, and I honestly cared about what happened to the main characters. The “ending” promised by the title felt a little tacked on, but I also appreciate the filmmakers finally giving this series a definitive ending…until the next reboot, that is.

3. Halloween Kills

This felt like a brutal ‘80s slasher done with the craft I’ve come to expect from David Gordon Green. It’s hyper violent and goofy. That might put some people off, but that’s what I want from this series. If it wasn’t for the “Evil dies tonight” stuff, it would be number 2, at least.

4. Halloween (2018)

Obviously, the new movies worked for me. Each one felt different, which I appreciated, with this one feeling like an attempt to make it like the original. They did a good job of it, but it also makes it the least interesting entry in the new trilogy. Still, it’s leaps and bounds above the other nonsense.

5. Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Honestly, this one shouldn’t even be considered a Halloween movie. But once you get past the fact that this was an attempt to turn the series into an anthology series rather than a Michael Myers series, there’s a lot of fun to be had with it. My favorite aspect is how much of a dirtbag Tom Atkins is in it. At one point, he seems to slow the investigation down just so he can get some beer. And the mythology stuff they made up for this is so wacky you have to laugh. 

6. Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

Much like my enjoyment of III, this is definitely in the “so bad it’s good” territory. I prefer the Producer’s Cut, but it’s still incomprehensible trash. There are magic runes and a cult or something. It’s wild. But they were going for something with this nonsense, and I appreciate it.

7. Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers

This one is sloppy, but it has my favorite Loomis appearance. He is so unhinged in this, and it’s great. He holds up a child as bait for Michael Myers at one point. It’s nuts. This set of movies really made Loomis seem crazier than Michael.

8. Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

This one get a lot of love from the fans as a return to form for the series, but I found it a bit boring. I get that bringing Michael back was a popular move, but I only enjoy this one because it’s the beginning of Loomis totally losing his mind.

9. Halloween II (1981)

This one is fine if you just wanted a direct continuation of the first film, just done a bit more poorly. But it features a horror movie pet peeve that I cannot stand with the dark, empty hospital. Maybe hospitals were like that back then, but I just find it crazy that there’s hardly anyone around, and they keep the lights off. And I don’t like that this one created the “Laurie is Michael’s sister” plotline.

10. Halloween II (2009)

I claimed to want something different from the sequels, and Rob Zombie delivered with this one. It’s just not a fun watch for me. I appreciate it, and it’s honestly more interesting than most of the films in this series. But for my rankings, I have to put it near the bottom because I never want to see it again.

11. Halloween H20: 20 Years Later

Maybe I’m too harsh with this one, but I just didn’t care for how much it was trying to be Scream with Michael Myers.

12. Halloween (2007)

Rob Zombie made this his own, but he was handcuffed by the mythology, forced to give all the backstory of Myers that I’m just not interested in. And just like his much better sequel, it’s not a fun watch for me. It’s an ugly, brutal movie, and I appreciate that, but give me crazy Loomis and magic rocks over this shit every time.

13. Halloween: Resurrection

I do enjoy Busta Rhymes in this piece of dog shit, but overall this is just the laziest entry in the series. And the tacked on beginning featuring Jamie Lee Curtis is a middle finger to the series. This stupidity should be a lot more fun, but for me, it was just unbearable.

Halloween, Kills, Ends - The New Trilogy

The release of the newest Halloween trilogy from writer/director David Gordon Green and writer Danny McBride spurred me on to watch every single entry. It wasn’t that I loved them at first, it just made sense to finally watch them all since the series was relevant at the moment. I liked the 2018 (hereafter just referred to as Halloween) film well enough, but Kills didn’t impress me at first. Then I watched them all and revisited those two films along with the newest entry, Halloween Ends, and something clicked with me.

The general consensus is that Halloween was a great return to form for the series, Kills destroyed that goodwill, and Ends was head-scratchingly bad. But as I rewatch these films, I feel nearly the opposite. Ends is my favorite with Kills a close second, and I find Halloween to be the most boring entry (though I really like that one, too). After watching Ends the first time, it made me reflect on what Green and McBride may have been trying to do with this trilogy.

To be clear, I didn’t do any research as far as watching interviews about this or any other behind the scenes material. In all likelihood, there was not much of a plan when it came to this trilogy, especially since the pandemic messed with their original release schedule. Much like the most recent Star Wars trilogy, each film seems to be its own thing, adding and dropping ideas from film to film. That didn’t work for me with Star Wars, but with a sloppy-ass series like Halloween, it didn’t bother me at all.

With Halloween, it seemed like this was the attempt to make a classic Halloween film. Every sequel was ignored, and Jamie Lee Curtis was brought back once again, this time sticking with the original plotline that did not have her revealed as Michael Myers’s sister. John Carpenter was brought on to do the music (and as a name-only producer), and it generally felt like it belonged in the same world as the first film. It did well critically and commercially (a rarity for the series), and people were excited about the series for the first time in a long time. I like it, but upon a rewatch I find it a bit boring and too safe. We all know Michael is going to escape and get his mask, yet we still have to go through the motions we’ve seen multiple times. I wish the film had moved a bit faster. 

Kills directly addresses my issues as it lives up to its title. Michael is a true killing machine in this from the get-go, and we don’t have to waste time with him finding his mask or any nonsense like that. The first film took its time setting up his return, so Kills gets to unleash him. In this way, the film felt like Green and McBride doing their best version of an ‘80s slasher movie. Goofy characters are introduced seemingly just to be killed, and the kills are much more brutal this time around. Critics, and some audiences, were put off by this, for some reason. I’ve read comments along the lines of feeling “betrayed” by the setup of the first film to then take this turn. 

But this is exactly what I want from a Halloween movie. I want to get introduced to Lenny Clarke playing with a drone, only to have Michael using Lenny’s back as a knife block moments later as Lenny’s wife watches as she fights for her life. I feel like Gordon and McBride found that elusive sweet spot of goofy and horrific with Kills. 

The only thing that holds it back for me is the “Evil dies tonight!” nonsense, and the tacked on idea that the anger of the townspeople somehow powers Michael. Yes, the mob forming and forcing a mental patient to kill himself makes a bit of a point of how Michael and fear in general has messed up the town. But the mob then attacking the actual Michael being presented as something wrong that inadvertently powers Michael didn’t work for me. What were they supposed to do, forgive him? It just felt like an afterthought tacked on to this otherwise gloriously gnarly film.

And then Ends comes out and Michael spends a lot of it hanging out in a sewer while a dude named Corey sort of becomes the new Michael while trying to date Jamie Lee Curtis’s granddaughter. This movie should suck, but it’s my favorite of the trilogy and nearly my favorite in the entire series. 

By leaving Michael and Laurie on the sidelines for much of the film, Ends is able to finally present Haddonfield as an actual town. More people are introduced, but not just to be killed (but yeah, almost all of them end up dead). They are there to show how ugly this town has become and how Corey and Allyson are products of the town’s response to Michael. My main issue with the commentary about the townspeople in Kills is that it just doesn’t make sense that Michael’s actions in the 1978 original are enough to alter a town so much. (One of Allyson’s friends mentions this in the first film, but that doesn’t excuse it.) It simply isn’t plausible to me that the town would be able to be this riled up so quickly, but it’s a movie, so who cares? It just didn’t work for me. 

But the amount of kills in…um…Kills coupled with Michael’s supernatural ability to survive and disappear legitimizes the darkness of Haddonfield in Ends. This makes for a disjointed experience which is why it’s probably true that these guys had no idea this is what the third film would be like, but it somehow works. Corey’s transformation from unlucky babysitter to new Michael is compelling because you can understand how the town did this to him. There’s still some supernatural stuff happening with him and Michael (he stares at him and makes some connection, and he appears to heal faster when he kills later on), but in general he seems to be more the product of Haddonfield than Michael’s evil puppet or something. Michael is just a gateway for him. 

There’s a lot about Ends that I love, like the score and soundtrack or the brutality of the kills once Corey goes full Michael, but what sticks out the most to me is that they were able to replace Michael with some angsty dude, and it didn’t matter to me. I didn’t care who had the mask on when that blow torch kill happened because it was awesomely brutal. This may be called Ends because of the literal destruction of Michael at the end (though this feels more like fan service than where the story was naturally going), but it was the end for me because it made Michael irrelevant for most of the movie. And if Michael doesn’t matter, then Halloween can finally end.

Random Thoughts

It made sense for Jamie Lee Curtis to be back for the first film, but it seemed like they were forced to include her in the sequels. This is why you have that mob nonsense in Kills at the hospital because Laurie was stuck at the hospital, so there had to be some reason for something to happen there. But the point of the first film was that she was actually irrelevant to Michael. She was just in his way, and this is confirmed by having the doctor lead Michael to Laurie’s compound. It would have been much more satisfying if the rest of Laurie’s story arc was her dealing with the fact that her whole life of prepping was for this made up idea in her head that Michael was after her. But then they have Michael kill Karen, and it justifies Laurie’s mission. And by having Michael come back at the end of Ends it adds even more fuel to her made up narrative. He was just there to get the mask from Corey. It had nothing to do with Laurie. Once again, she was just in the way. And these films never explore that idea because fans want to see Jamie Lee Curtis vs. The Shape. It doesn’t ruin any of these movies for me, but it does make me wonder how much better Kills and Ends could’ve been with less or even no Laurie at all.

I like to think the repeated mention of cherry blossoms is a McBride reference to Stevie from Eastbound and Down, who went by Cherry Blossom when Ashley Schaefer made him dress up as a Japanese geisha.

Poor Ronnie. Dude was just hiding from his wife in his junkyard office trying to watch a Van Damme movie (Hard Target), and he ends up catching friendly fire from the douchiest character in the movie. His is the only tragic death in the film.

That is one nasty little three-way Michael, Corey, and Officer Doug Mulaney have in that sewer.

The diner in Ends claims it had Banh Mi Sandwiches. Good for you, Haddonfield.

The mythology of Michael was all over the place in this trilogy. In the first film, he’s just a man. In Kills, the hatred of the town makes him supernatural. But in Ends, he’s a wheezing, seemingly dying shell living in the sewer even though the town is as fucked up as it’s ever been. Why isn’t the hatred and death in Haddonfield fueling him anymore? Instead, he gets power from killing. Then why hasn’t he been killing more. The homeless dude mentions that Michael has been dragging people into the sewer over the years, but why not kill a bunch and be super powerful? It’s all a little confusing. But I just go with whatever each individual film decides Michael is. As a complete story in three parts, however, it’s messy as fuck. But at least it’s not the Cult of Thorn.

Officer Mulaney is at the diner with his buddies celebrating one of their birthdays. He made a cake for the guy. They have a balloon at the table. No wonder Ally doesn’t want to fuck this dorky dildo.

I rewatched this again right before I wrote this. But at first I just wanted to watch the part with “Come 2 Me” by Johnny Goth playing as Corey and Allyson ride on the motorcycle. I got sucked in and watched the whole thing again. This is a very close second in the entire series.