The Phantom Menace - "The Biggest Problem in the Universe Is That No One Helps Each Other."

I’m burning through the prequels for Obi-Wan Kenobi on Friday. So here are my brief thoughts on Episode I. I’ve written about my love of the prequels before, but never about the individual movies.

This is difficult for me. I love the first six Star Wars movies, warts and all. The sequel trilogy lost me as a blindly devoted fan, so I didn’t have much trouble writing about those movies…at length. But when it comes to a movie I love, I find it intimidating to write about them because I’m afraid I won’t say everything I want to say. I’m trying to be less precious about my writing, especially since so few people read it (to be honest, this site feels like more of a personal diary of film writing that I can revisit in the future than a proper film criticism site). I’ve decided to not be intimidated any longer because there really is no way I will ever write everything I want to convey about any movie I watch because my response to every film is different after every viewing. 

So rather than try to write a crazy manifesto with all of my complex thoughts about The Phantom Menace in one messy article, I’m just going to burn through some ideas I had this time around followed by my random thoughts while watching it.

Soon after meeting Anakin, he makes the statement about “the biggest problem in the universe” being that “no one helps each other.” This cheesy bit of children’s optimism made me realize why I love this movie, despite my personal issues with it. Maybe Anakin’s right, and we all just need to be nice. 

That only works if there’s some awesome shit to make me forget the less awesome shit, though. Thankfully, The Phantom Menace still has sequences that amaze me after all these years of watching it. 

I stop caring about Jake Lloyd’s weak acting once that podrace starts. I forget how fucking stupid Jar Jar Binks is when Darth Maul activates that second blade. And…well, that’s pretty much it. But those two sequences in this film still completely enthrall me. I can type up plenty of random thoughts during any other parts of this movie, but when those sequences are happening, The Phantom Menace has my undivided attention.

There’s more to it than that, but I wanted to keep things brief on this site for a change. One day I will very likely write something more akin to my usual deep dive nonsense, but today I just wanted to say that sometimes a film just needs to wow me a couple times for me to get through the cringeworthy moments. In this shitty internet universe we’re stuck in, instead of choosing to shit on this movie for the billionth time about the same shit people have been bitching about for over two decades, I decided to focus on the joy this film instills in me. 

Random Thoughts

Sidious as a hologram is fucking awesome. 

The first I saw this and Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan took out those druids like badasses I was in love. 

These movies get altered all the time, so why can't they go back and improve the CG? The battle druids look good, but the Gungans need some polishing. 

I love this movie, but I've always hated Boss Nass.

So is Sebulba dicking down those two Twi'leks every night in some unholy interspecies threesome?

Ever since I first learned about Manny from Grim Fandango being in the stands at the podrace, I never fail to spot that goofy ass costume. He can be seen on the right side of the crowd at 1:09:43 on the Disney+ version, for those watching at home.

No one can ever talk shit about the sound in this film. The sound design during the podrace in particular is amazing.

That little walking droid that allows for the hologram of Sidious to do a walk and talk is hilarious. It reminds me of the butter robot from Rick and Morty. “What’s my function?” “To go on short walks while projecting a hologram.” “My god.”

It’s a good thing all the native Gungan weapons are perfectly suited for fighting droids.

I still think the biggest mistake of the first film was the killing of Maul. I know he comes back in The Clone Wars and Solo, but he should have been a primary villain for the entire prequel trilogy. To go from Darth Maul to an old man whose name literally sounds like shit in the second film is such a missed opportunity.