I think most people think of their favorite James Bond as whoever was playing the character when they were young. For me, that was Pierce Brosnan. Because of the rights issues that curtailed Dalton’s run, I was eleven when Bond finally picked back up with GoldenEye. So that cemented Brosnan as Bond for me. Oh, and I had a Nintendo 64. So Brosnan is the Bond that makes me feel the most nostalgic for the series, which sucks because out of his four films, GoldenEye is the only one I love upon a rewatch.
This might be spoiling my eventual overall rankings, but after rewatching the Daniel Craig movies, nostalgia just isn’t enough for Brosnan to remain my favorite Bond. The quality of the films just isn’t there. That’s not to say they suck or anything. Hell, I even liked Die Another Day this time around (and I hated that one the first time I saw it), but only GoldenEye is special. I blame Austin Powers. Due to that series being so popular during Brosnan’s run, it must have been difficult to write these movies. How do you pay tribute to the past while there’s a popular parody franchise making fun of it?
But I still like all of these movies. There’s just some unidentifiable aspect that keeps most of them from being great. It’s like they were holding back and going for it in the wrong places. This is nothing against Brosnan, however. I still think he’s great as Bond; it’s just that his movies didn’t live up to his potential. At least we’ll always have GoldenEye.
1. GoldenEye
No surprise here. My love of this movie may be way too tied into my love of the videogame, but so what? Aside from nostalgia, Brosnan is a natural in his first outing. The action is crazy, but great. And the character work is surprisingly deep, thanks to Sean Bean’s former 00 agent villain. I think Skyfall handled that villain premise better, but it’s still a great dynamic here.
This is one of the few Bond films I will revisit on a yearly basis. It took what Dalton started and brought Bond into the modern era just before Austin Powers showed up to fuck it all up for a few years.
Random Thoughts
Those Russian soldier extras went to "just jump backwards whenever you get shot" school of stunt work.
The techno-ish music seemed pretty cool when I was eleven watching this. Now, I still think it's kind of cool. Fuck off.
That admiral dude had a pretty damn stupid face when he died, but honestly, I hope I look like that when I die.
Crazy that Joe Don Baker went from villain to folksy CIA buddy (and Felix Leiter replacement) in two movies.
How much liquor does Ourumov's flask hold? I swear he takes fifteen drinks from it during the tank chase.
2. Die Another Day
The Brosnan films have all hit differently for me now that I can appreciate them within the entire series, and this one has benefited from that the most. Originally, I thought this was stupid trash, and I hated it. Now, I think it’s stupid trash, and I kind of love it. All the stuff at the ice palace is just so silly, from the horrible CG parachute-surfing, the cars that can inexplicably drive on ice as if it’s pavement, and the space laser! When it first came out, I just thought it was horrible, and that sequence ruined the movie for me. I was more of an Austin Powers than James Bond fan back then, so I guess I wanted my Bond serious, and the goofy shit should be left to Mike Myers.
Now, I can appreciate certain types of goofiness in a Bond movie. When one of these movies really leans into the ridiculous stuff, I sometimes enjoy it. This one hit that mysterious sweet spot for me, though the reliance on CG still bothers me (thankfully that moment is pretty short). Part of my enjoyment probably has a lot to do with how bland I found the previous two Brosnan entries. It’s like the filmmakers knew this and decided to go crazy for Brosnan’s last hurrah. It doesn’t always work, but at least I had fun, and I’ll damn sure remember this one.
Random Thoughts
I remember them announcing a spinoff for Halle Berry from this movie, and I always assumed it didn’t happen because this one wasn’t well-received. Turns out MGM just didn’t want to spend enough money on it. So instead, Berry chose to make Catwoman. Oof.
I believe this marks the first, and only (thank fuck), time they added a CG bullet to the gun barrel intro.
Starts off with Bond and a couple other spies catching some bitchin’ waves in North Korea. I remember initially hating this movie, but should I have loved it?
“Find me a new anger therapist.” Look, it’s pretty funny that you would put a plain therapist in a bag and kick the shit out of them, I don’t think it’s necessary to add “anger” to their title.
Madonna honestly isn’t bad in this, but why the fuck is she in it? Wasn’t it enough for her to do the title song? It’s horribly distracting when she shows up.
It’s rumored that George Lucas modeled the Obi Wan and Anakin fight from Revenge of the Sith on the fencing match in this.
I like how Miranda Frost stops the insane sword fight, which had gone on for minutes through the entire building using every sword-type from history with a “That is enough!” Maybe you should have done that three swords earlier, Miranda.
“An ice palace can be such a treacherous place.”
It’s kind of great how they couldn’t decide on which typical Bond villain plan to choose, so they just picked three of them: a smuggler with a space laser who wants revenge.
The CG may look like shit by today’s standards, but in 2002…it also looked like shit.
Definitely my biggest complaint then and now is the reliance on so much CG. No other Bond movie has come close to relying this much on it.
The surfing/space laser shit was definitely my breaking point when I first watched this. Now, I still find it very silly, but I appreciate it when a Bond movie goes big with its goofiness.
The villain has a fencing studio/dojo on his airplane. Maybe I love this fucking movie.
Bond doesn’t turn the traction on his car’s tires until he needs to hide on an incline. So that previous ten minutes of insanely precise driving on ice was done with regular old tires.
The son of a North Korean general, who genetically altered himself into a poncy British fuckhead, electrocutes then shoots his father moments after activating a space laser over the DMZ. Two random military dudes look at each with faces that say, “What the fuck is going on here?” You guys and me both, random military dudes.
This film has the audacity to keep going for a half hour after all the ice palace nonsense.
Just trying to imagine the headlines that day: Tensions at the Korean border intensified today as a rogue North Korean soldier used a space laser to destroy the minefield at the DMZ.
Ha! The movie got me on this one. Moneypenny is shown typing up something that says a “freak electrical storm” caused the damage. But that was done while she was masturbating with the VR glasses. Does that count?
That Gollum-looking fucker lasted a lot longer than I expected.
“Drowning you didn’t seem to work. I’ll have to try something more to the point.” Well, you could kill her right now with that sword you have at her throat.
Getting killed by a copy of The Art of War with a knife through it has to be a metaphor for…something.
3. Tomorrow Never Dies
On paper, this should be a classic Bond movie: great action, a truly hateable villain, arguably the best Bond girl in the series, a blond weirdo henchman, plenty of goofy Q shit, Bond in a tuxedo, etc. But somehow I’ve never been able to get into this one, and this is my third time watching it. There’s just something about the energy of these Brosnan movies. I feel like we’re in this weird middle area that Dalton fell into between the goofiness of Moore and the uber-seriousness of Craig. Some of it works, some of it doesn’t. And sometimes I just don’t give a fuck about what’s going on.
Random Thoughts
"A Terrorist Arms Bazaar Outside Russia" Sounds like a fuckin' party!
I don't know the appropriate amount of time to kiss a dead lady, but that kiss Bond gave Teri Hatcher's dead body was way too long.
Jonathan Pryce's little racist martial arts display is wild.
I think of all the Bond villains, I've wanted Pryce to die the most. He is just such an unsufferable fuckhead.
"Give the people what they want!" Bonus half star giving Pryce such a gnarly death.
Half star rescinded for not having Michelle Yeoh be the one to take out Stamper and instead have her need to be saved by Bond's kiss.
4. The World Is Not Enough
I mainly remember this one as the “Dr. Denise Richards” movie, and she is definitely the weakest link of the film. Though she’s not as distracting as I remember. I also didn’t remember this movie being so unremarkable.
Brosnan is still fine, and I generally love him as Bond, even though his films tend to disappoint me. But the villains are lacking. Sophie Marceau is fine, I guess, but Robert Carlyle is such a missed opportunity. You get fucking Begbie for a movie and turn him into the most boring terrorist in the history of cinema. I wish they would have just had him literally play the part as Begbie. Sure, it would be wild and make no sense (and Bond being called a “cunt” would certainly ruffle some feathers), but it would be memorable, at least. You could even get Johnny Lee Miller and Ewan McGregor to cameo and talk shit about Brosnan as Bond compared to Connery.
Okay, I’m getting way off topic here, but that’s the problem with this movie. Rather than write much about it, I’d rather imagine some fantasy version of it that would’ve been more entertaining. As it is, it’s a serviceable, and forgettable, entry.
Random Thoughts
That cigar shit with Moneypenny was a Clinton joke, I guess. I don't like it when these movies date themselves with shit like that. Not as bad as the Thatcher bit from For Your Eyes Only, but it’s in the ballpark.
How lucky for Bond that Q was working on a boat the day that an assassin on a boat attacked MI6 headquarters.
No joke, they added a screeching tire sound effect when Bond’s boat turned around. This does not bode well for this one.
A hot air balloon, too. Wait, this is the one with Denise Richards playing a physicist named Christmas. Why am I expecting anything less than complete goofy nonsense?
"Shadows stay in front or behind. Never on top." So, you know, don't fuck her, Bond.
I can't believe it took this many movies to give the horniest man in cinema glasses that allow him to see through people's clothes.
I dig the helicopters with the saws attached to them, but that seems like a wildly ineffective way to try to kill someone.
Denise Richards spouting off nuclear physicist dialogue is one of the most ridiculous things in a franchise that includes submarine cars, jet packs, volcano lairs, space laser battles, a henchman with metal teeth, a three-nippled Christopher Lee, a movie named Octopussy, etc.
"I thought Christmas only comes once a year." Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the only fucking reason she was named Christmas.
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