This was my first time watching every single one of these movies. I have only seen snippets of some of these films years ago during the Bond marathons on Spike TV. The snippets never pulled me in enough to watch a whole movie because…Roger Moore is my least favorite Bond by a fucking mile. He’s always seemed boring in the role right down to his weak ass gun barrel walk. If I had grown up watching Moore as Bond perhaps I would feel differently, but watching all of these movies now in the context of the entire series confirms my original opinion that Moore was the weakest Bond.
Despite this, I did have fun with most of these movies. In many ways, this is the goofiest the series ever got with the blaxploitation, karate, and space entries along with a general silly vibe throughout. It’s hard to hate any of these movies since they are light-hearted, but it’s just as hard to love any of them, too.
Actually watching them, my biggest issue ended up being how long Moore stayed in the role. I was so sick of seeing him as Bond in those last few movies, and his age was distracting as fuck. Once again, if I grew up with these movies, only seeing one every couple of years, I would probably feel much differently about most of them. But burning through all of them in a week left me exhausted, though there ended up being a couple I sincerely enjoyed.
1. The Spy Who Loved Me
This is Moore’s third outing, but to me it felt like his first proper Bond film, following the blaxploitation and karate-themed first entries. This just has everything I want from the series: a cool ass henchman in Jaws, a goofy submarine car, an awesome location in Egypt, etc. Out of all the Moore movies, this is most likely the only one I will ever watch again in its entirety, and that’s high fucking praise from me.
Random Thoughts
First mention of Bond’s wife since Majesty’s.
First Moore movie that didn’t feel like a complete gimmick.
Also the first Moore movie that takes full advantage of location shooting. (Although I guess MI6 being on the capsized Queen Elizabeth was kind of cool in Golden Gun.)
This might not make sense, but this is the kind of goofy I like. I don’t want to see Bond running on top of alligators. I do want to see him fight a villain with metal teeth. Maybe it’s just a personal preference thing, but the goofiness in this series walks a very fine line, especially in the Moore years.
2. Moonraker
I am shocked that this was my number two for Moore’s run. I just assumed the “one in space” must’ve been the most gimmicky, cartoonish Bond film of all time. Imagine my surprise when it turns out to be a pretty solid, standard entry in the series that just so happens to end in outer space. And honestly, a space station is not much different than a volcano layer in terms of ridiculousness. And Jaws being around again helped, too.
Random Thoughts
Not as bad as I expected, but I expected hobo shit, so…
That laser battle near the end was terrible, though.
It's in keeping with the gimmicky nature of the first two Moores, but I like sci-fi more than blaxploitation and karate movies, so I guess that's why it didn't bother me as much.
I’m convinced Peter Dinklage’s entire career is just an impression of Michael Lonsdale’s Drax.
3. A View to a Kill
If this had been an earlier Moore Bond movie, it might have been number one for me, but his age in his last three films was very distracting. Despite that, there’s a lot to enjoy with this one once Walken starts to truly act psychotic. Typically, a middling Bond movie turns into a slog by the end, but this one was the opposite, and I found myself more engaged at the end than the beginning. Someone really needed to tell Walken to dial it up in those early scenes rather than play them as a sleepy psycho waiting to be activated. It was nice for Moore to go out on a slightly high note, but good God he overstayed his welcome in this role.
Random Thoughts
Not going to lie, when he started snowboarding on a piece of snowmobile detritus and the Beach Boys started playing, I really wanted to turn this bullshit off.
The theme is easily in my top five for the series.
IMDb trivia claims Moore had some work done before this one. Normally I’m bad at noticing shit like that, but it’s easy to spot here. He clearly had something done to his eyes. He looks like a lunatic at times in this.
“I got off eventually.” With Moore being in his late 50s, all his sex jokes hit differently. The sexual innuendo bits have always been a little cringey and goofy for my taste, but in this case Bond joking about how long it took to cum is especially fucking gross.
More villains should have meetings in blimps.
"What a view!"
"To a kill!"
What the fuck does that mean?
Full psycho Walken gunning down workers, abducting a woman with a blimp, and axe-fighting on top of the Golden Gate Bridge saved this one for me. Before all that, I was disappointed with how calm he was playing it despite being called “psychotic” multiple times.
Walken’s death is so strange. It zooms in on the weird Nazi doctor yelling “Max” like he’s hollering for a dog to come home. Then Walken just chuckles and falls. Okay.
It’s a good thing Walken kept some spare dynamite on his blimp.
Overall, this is still a fucking slog. But then again, I watched every Moore Bond movie in less than a week. If it had been spaced out over years, maybe I would feel differently. As it is, I am definitely sick of seeing him in this role, and I’m so glad I get to move on to Timothy Dalton.
4. Octopussy
Look, this movie has every Indian stereotype known to man, Faberge eggs, Bond dressing up as a clown and a gorilla, Bond riding a hot air balloon, and a figurative and literal circus feel to the whole movie. When shit’s this silly, you can call it whatever you want: Octopussy, Tentacledick, Squidanus, who cares?
Random Thoughts
Why didn't Rita Coolidge sing a classic Bond theme in which she yells "Octopussy!" thirty times a la Bassey with "Goldfinger"?
I like how Moneypenny has to fish for age compliments from Bond even though they are the same age.
Goofy as shit, but it has to be with this name.
That plane stuff at the end was Mission: Impossible worthy.
5. For Your Eyes Only
I may have been too harsh with this one initially, but this is when Moore’s age really stuck out to me. Honestly, you could take the middle three from this list and shuffle them around, as they are all on the same level with me. Once I got over Moore’s age, there’s a decent amount of fun to be had with this one. And I dig the stuff in Greece when he starts teaming up with Columbo. But this is still so problematic when it comes to the age difference between all the men and women in this one. Moore has acknowledged his age was an issue with his final Bond film, saying the women were young enough to be his granddaughter. But young enough to be his daughter is fine.
Random Thoughts
It's crazy that they finally acknowledged Bond’s wife so directly (she was mentioned in The Spy Who Loved Me), just to have Bond dump Blofeld in a smokestack. But I do love that opening.
This is when he officially got too old. This makes the skiing sequence that much more ludicrous.
I mean, it's never made sense in the snow movies for Bond to be as good as an olympian, but to see Moore, who looks tired just from walking in this movie, to suddenly be landing ski jumps and speeding down bobsled tracks is fucking laughable.
When Bond and Lisl walk on the beach, it looks like an erectile dysfunction ad.
How did the filmmakers look at that scuba fight sequence with that ridiculous suit and not laugh and immediately cut it?
At first I was relieved that he didn't bang Bibi since he's thirty fucking years older, but then he bangs Melina who he's twenty fucking nine years older than! And Bibi ends up with Columbo, who's only twenty fucking five years older, but I guess that's better than her being with Kristatos, who's…ugh, also twenty-five years older than her.
The parrot talking to Thatcher is a low point for the series.
And they made two more of these with Moore? One of which they had the audacity to put "pussy" in the title? Did he have some dirt on the Broccoli family or something?
6. Live and Let Die
Typically, the first film for a new actor as Bond is a strong entry, but I just could not get into this one. The gimmicky nature of it was bad, but there’s just a lack of energy to this one and too many villains. If there had been more of a focus in that regard, maybe I would like this one more, but aside from the awesome title song, this one is completely forgettable.
Random Thoughts
There are long stretches of this movie in which I forget who the villain is. Why did they waste Yaphet Kotto and also add the Baron character and the guy with the stupid hook for a hand?
I know the Moore movies are goofier, but I didn’t know they started off this goofy. That sheriff character is un-fucking-bearable.
7. The Man with the Golden Gun
I lump this one and Live and Let Die together. The karate stuff is just too ridiculous. To imagine Bond, especially Moore as Bond, capable of taking on martial artists who have been training their entire lives is laughable. Anyway, this one was just another slog for me. What edges it into being the worst of the Moore films is their decision to shoehorn in that stupid sheriff from the last film.
Random Thoughts
They brought the fucking Louisiana sheriff back?!
Christopher Lee is okay here, but just let him be Christoper Lee. No need to glue extra nipples to the man. I wish all the gimmicky karate shit was cut out and more time was devoted to Lee and Nick Nack. I really want to know the origin of that relationship.
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