After the debacle that was Halloween 6, the franchise did its first slight reboot. Ignoring the previous four films and just continuing the story of Halloween and Halloween II, Halloween H20: Twenty Years Later (yes, that’s the actual full title) was meant to be a return to form for the series. Perhaps it’s the inclusion of Jamie Lee Curtis or just the return to the relatively simple slasher formula, but people seemed to be into it. I was not.
Maybe if I had watched this back when it came out I would feel differently. But I saw this for the first time a couple weeks ago, and all I saw was a Scream movie with Michael Myers in it. For some, that’s just fine. But I like my series to stay in its own lane, even if I’m not even sure what that lane is.
Identity is the constant problem of the Halloween series. It basically invented the slasher genre, yet it could never figure out what that meant. The copycats, like Jason and Freddy, at least seemed to have an idea of what those movies should be like (even though most of those movies suck, too). Halloween has gone from a nearly perfect model for a slasher movie, then a bit of a repeat with the second one, then they tried to ditch the slasher from their own genre, then brought him back and tried to explain why he’s a supernatural killer, leading the franchise into some truly goofy nonsense.
So when the hot franchise of the time, Scream (which owes its own existence to Halloween), popularized slasher movies again, it’s easy to see why the Halloween franchise would start copying the copycat. I get why people would like it. There are plenty of familiar horror movie references (and so many Psycho references that they even felt the need to cast Curtis’s mom, Janet Leigh, in a small role), and there is a decent mix of comedy and horror. But I kind of like the stupid shit that came before this movie.
I know I’m in the minority on this one, but I would rather see a franchise grasp wildly at wacky ideas than just start trying to be like the latest trend. So even though H20 is actually one of the better made films in the franchise, it’s one of my least favorite. I would rather watch Paul Rudd play with magic rocks than watch Scream Featuring Michael Myers.
I might not know what a Halloween movie should be, but I know I don’t want it to be like this. Though I will give it credit for attempting to wrap up the Jamie Lee Curtis storyline, but of course that wouldn’t last, which unfortunately led to the aptly titled Halloween: Resurrection.
Halloween: Resurrection is rightfully considered one of the worst films in the series. H20 seemed to truly end Michael Myers’s story, but this film revealed that Myers had switched outfits with a paramedic, meaning Laurie decapitated an innocent man at the end of that film. That infuriating fake out alone makes this one stupid, but apparently there was a series rule at the time that Michael couldn’t really die. This leads to Curtis coming back to essentially film an extra ending to H20 in which she’s in a mental institution, traumatized after killing an innocent man. But her trauma is an act, as she knows Michael will come for her. He does, and he kills her.
I wouldn’t have a big issue with this turn of events if this segment had been the actual ending of H20. Sure, some might be upset that Laurie dies and Michael lives, but at least it would be a proper ending for one of the characters. Anyway, that segment placed at the beginning of this film is just an excuse to put Curtis on the poster, because it has nothing to do with the rest of the movie, aside from establishing that Myers is still alive.
After the opening, Resurrection turns into a Friday the 13th movie, which is what truly makes me hate this one. The basic plot is about a manipulative producer, Busta fucking Rhymes, for some reason, who has purchased the Myers house and is going to film a web reality show in which college students explore the house, uncovering the secrets of Michael Myers.
This goofy concept feels more at home in a later Friday the 13th movie than a Halloween movie. I get that Michael has a connection to his childhood home, but there’s a dungeon in the basement? And I’m not talking about the fake dungeon Busta Rhymes made for the show; there’s an actual dungeon that is revealed to be Michael’s secret home for who knows how many years. That just feels like a Jason thing to me.
Since he kills Laurie at the beginning, that means this film is still in the original, original sequel, and H20’s timeline. So Michael killed Laurie, fulfilling his mission or whatever, and then went back to the Haddonfield house and built a dungeon? And somehow he didn’t notice and kill the TV crew building a fake dungeon right next to his real dungeon? I guess I can accept that he would return home, but I don’t like the idea that he has nothing to do now, so he just builds a dungeon.
But I’m getting too nitpicky with the series if I’m just arguing that a movie shouldn’t exist. I just wanted to point out that it’s too much like a Jason movie. Once I’m past that, if it’s done well, this movie could still work. But it doesn’t. It’s not scary or funny enough to justify its existence.
Some of the Busta Rhymes stuff is stupid enough to be enjoyable, but just like with H20, this just doesn’t feel like a Halloween movie. If I want to watch a Jason-type character killing random attractive young people, I’ll just watch that. And the focus on the early internet stuff just makes the movie laughably dated.
Watching every one of these movies over the course of a week was definitely a bad idea, as I was very sick of it all by the time I got to this one. But it seems like everyone else was done with the series, as well, because they decided to jump on the remake bandwagon after this one, putting the keys to the franchise into Rob Zombie’s grimy hands.
Random Thoughts
H20
I never knew the phrase 20 Years Later was actually part of the title. As if H20 wasn’t clear enough. But we’re talking about a movie that thinks its audience is so fucking stupid that when it gives the date of “October 31,” the filmmakers felt the need to add “Halloween” to it.
Why do I feel like I’ve seen Josh Hartnett wear a very loose, untucked shirt and loosened tie in five different movies? Was this look in his contract next to the “must have weird, shitty haircut” demand?
Two characters are straight up watching Scream 2.
There’s a Jason mask, and a dude dies while getting a corkscrew a la Crispin Glover in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter.
The mask looks like shit in this one.
Resurrection
Couldn’t all of these have this subtitle?
If H20 was the Scream version of Halloween, then Resurrection is the Friday the 13th version.
This is the second film in a row that he lowers himself down from an overhead pipe using one hand. It makes no physical sense, and it looks goofy.
The eyebrows are way too prominent on this mask.
What the fuck is going on here?
Somebody apparently told Busta Rhymes that whispering his lines might mask his lack of natural talent. It doesn’t.
The emphasis on technology is hilarious. First off, an online only streaming show, while slightly predictive, would be worthless in 2002, when most people were still dealing with dial-up in their homes.
I hope you like early 2000s webcam quality footage, because you'll be seeing a lot of it.
The house party that stops to watch this shit is the most unrealistic part of the movie.
So the dungeon is fake, but what about the dungeon behind the fake dungeon? Myers was clearly living there. So there's an actual dungeon under the house?
My feelings about Busta Rhymes in this are all over the place. His acting in early scenes is distractingly bad, but then he starts talking shit while dressed as Michael Myers and it’s funny. Then he somehow survives and saves the day, but then starts spouting off one liners like he’s Schwarzenegger. Okay, he’s my favorite part of this stupid fucking movie.
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