Highlander II: The Renegade Version

 

I’ve hesitated writing about this stupid movie. Not because it’s so bad (though it is), but because it’s so famously bad. If you come across lists of worst sequels, Highlander II: The Quickening is bound to show up, often at number one. This shitshow of a sequel is almost universally despised, so what could I add to the cacophony of hate that’s been around since the film was first released years ago? Not much, honestly, but the weird thing about Highlander 2 is that I want to like it, and that compels me to at least get into why I can’t.

First off, I have to admit that I technically did not watch The Quickening (I did watch bits and pieces to refresh my memory of the dumbest parts); I watched Highlander II: The Renegade Version. This is the cut that attempts to fix the nonsense of the theatrical cut, and it’s still infuriatingly bad. In case you’ve forgotten, the theatrical cut revealed that the immortals from the first film were actually aliens from a planet called Zeist that were exiled to Earth to do battle until only one remained, then the winner would be given the option to become mortal and live out their days on Earth or return to Zeist. 

This begs a plethora of questions:

 Why is it a “punishment” to be sent to another planet as an immortal?

Why do they speak English on Zeist?

If sending back lackeys from Zeist restarts the contest, then does the contest ever technically end?

If it’s possible to just portal yourself onto Earth, then why didn’t Michael Ironside do it years ago?

MacLeod claims that he was sent to Earth “500 years ago” but Ramirez was sent back at the same time as him, yet Ramirez is hundreds of years older in the first film…how?

But the biggest question of all is, why did they feel the need to complicate things with this convoluted, overly sci-fi plot?

Now, The Renegade Version attempts to correct some of this, but it’s impossible. Yes, the Zeist stuff is messily edited to make it instead be Earth in some ancient past. So they aren’t aliens sent to Earth; they’re ancient beings sent to the future. I guess that’s better? But all my questions from the theatrical cut remain; they’re just tweaked into being about time travel instead of alien shit. 

In both cuts, I still don’t understand why Christopher Lambert chose such a ridiculous old man voice for the beginning. And the whole subplot about the shield MacLeod helped create to combat the sun? What? Okay, it’s a future movie, so they felt the need to go with something apocalyptic, but why is MacLeod one of the guys designing the shield? Oh, and how the fuck is a subway able to go 700 miles per hour? Okay, I need to stop with the questions because there’s no end to them. 

It really boils down to the fact that there simply was not a good way to extend the story of the original. I’m sure the writers felt the same way. Why else would they say, “Fuck it, let’s make ‘em aliens”? They had to make a big swing otherwise it makes no sense why MacLeod would still be immortal or why Ramirez would be able to return. 

The next sequel (that completely ignored this one) at least figured out the best way to explain how the story could continue was to explore MacLeod’s past a bit. But that one fucking sucks, too (so does Endgame, but I think that’s still the best sequel). I truly cannot think of another series that has been so tainted by its sequels. 

What sucks for me is that I love the first film so much that every few years I forget how shitty these sequels are and think, “Maybe they are better than I remember. I should give them another chance.” Which is why I’m writing this as a reminder that the sequels need to be disregarded. 

It just sucks because I want to like this and all the other Highlander films. And even if there’s a bit of a “it’s so bad, it’s good” quality to this, and Michael Ironside is hamming it up the whole time, I still need to let this one go. When it comes to this series, at least for me, there can be only one movie, and it’s the original.

Random Thoughts

I love info at the beginning of shitty sci-fi movies. In this one, before the fucking credits start, we’re told that it’s 2024, and the ozone layer is destroyed and an electromagnetic shield has been put in its place. We’re dealing with an immortal group of people here, why just jump to 2024? Skip farther ahead to a time in which this ridiculous shit might make a little more sense. I get them thinking the ozone layer could be gone by now (all you heard about in the late 80s and early 90s was the ozone layer [why don’t we hear about it anymore? Is it good now somehow? Is it gone? I need to do some research…]), but an electromagnetic shield? How does that work? I like the idea that humans can fuck the world even faster than science predicted, but the optimism that we would also invent a solution is just silly. 

I just remembered that MacLeod became mortal at the end of the first film, so they can’t jump too far into the future. My apologies to the shitty sequel.

That part about a small group of people just blindly believing that the ozone layer has magically returned hit home, though. If only our current crazy motherfuckers were only a “small group” and not roughly half of the goddamn population.

Okay, I looked up some shit about the ozone layer. Turns out, the world was a better place in the late 80s because, as a planet, most of the countries agreed to put a stop to producing CFCs. And they actually fucking did it, and the ozone layer is in pretty good shape these days. No way this gets done in today’s world. How could we fix the ozone layer today when a sizable portion of the population would deny its very existence? Okay, time to stop this. I’m watching Highlander II: The Renegade Version, this is not the time for thought of any kind.

The first movie started at a wrestling match and featured the music of Queen. This one starts at the opera and features the music of Stewart Copeland. Not bad, but a step down culturally in both aspects, in my opinion.

“Break ranks! Get more men!” I’m not a military strategist, but this doesn’t make a lot of sense. And if there were more men available, why weren’t they there already?

Michael Ironside is great, but he’s also a step down compared to Clancy Brown.

That flashback battle scene is some weak shit. Just stuff blowing up and dudes running around. It’s like they showed up on set that day and decided to improv a battle sequence.

Being exiled into the future is better than them being aliens, but it’s still pretty fucking stupid. 

Holy shit, I forgot how terrible Lambert’s old man voice was in this.

“I’m Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod. And I cannot die. Now let’s fuck in the street like two drunken hobos.”

The Psychic Cook looks like a rad show.

“This doesn’t look like Kansas, does it?” How would he know that reference? How would he know what the fuck Kansas is?

It makes no sense at all, but Michael Ironside driving a train nearly 700 miles per hour is easily the highlight of this horrible movie. This is the first time I noticed they included a fake baby falling with the other passengers. This movie is sneaky dark at times.

Ironside drives the train, then he gets a cab? Is he just checking out all the modes of public transportation that he’s missing out on in the past?

And then there’s the goofy scene of Connery on the plane. This movie goes from dark dystopian nightmare to goofy fish out of water comedy with the immortals trying to figure out the future.

Pretty sure that scene of Connery trying to bang the lady next to him on the plane was actual behind-the-scenes footage.