"The Expendables 2"

Directed by Simon West, written by Richard Wenk, Sylvester Stallone, Ken Kaufman, and David Agosto, starring Stallone, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, and Jean-Claude Van Damme - Rated R

Of course this gets a Kurgan, until they finally put the Kurgan in one of these movies, then it will get a Vader...

 

 

 

I was as pumped as everyone else when I heard about The Expendables a few years ago.  When it came out I walked away pleased, but not blown away.  As an old school action fan, just seeing the likes of Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Bruce Willis, Jason Statham, and Jet Li (among others and some newer stars) was enough to consider the film a success.  It helped that it included ridiculous action and a plot straight out of a Rambo movie.  But something was missing.  Before I continue, I must confess that I have an unnatural (and some might say “irrational”) love of Jean-Claude Van Damme films.  (Yes, “films.”  Not movies, but films.) 

 

Van Damme was not in the first Expendables, much to my chagrin.  How could such a fixture of 80s and early 90s action not make it into this cast?  I was even more upset when I heard rumors that he had been offered a part, but had turned it down, due to lack of character development.  Maybe he didn’t want to be relegated to one-note status as one of the main cast as Lundgren (the crazy one) or Randy Couture (the guy with the messed-up ears) are.  If that’s the case, then he was wise to hold out because Van Damme is the best part of The Expendables 2.  (Of course, some might claim my opinion is biased…and they’d probably be correct.)

 

The Expendables 2 sticks with what made the first film a fan favorite: multiple aging action stars cause mass destruction.  This time, though, more stars are thrown into the mix and cameos from Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger are upgraded to supporting roles.  Aside from Van Damme, Scott Adkins, Liam Hemsworth, and Chuck Norris are added to the cast.  Norris is the biggest, and cheesiest, addition, as his appearance is so tongue in cheek it’s almost not enjoyable…almost.  

 

Believe it or not, there is a plot to this film and it’s 80s-tastic.  Van Damme plays Vilain (yes, his name is one letter away from literally being “villain”), a cult leader who wants to sell mass amounts of plutonium to the highest bidder.  At one point, Vilain ponders how “interesting” it is that plutonium can change the world, but later he simply proclaims that he wants a lot of money.  It’s simple, it’s right out of the Cold War, and it’s great. 

 

Of course Stallone and his group of mercenaries are out to stop Vilain, especially after he kills one of their own (I won’t spoil who that is).  This leads to some truly great moments as Van Damme revels in his villainous role, toying with Stallone every chance he gets.  It’s a slightly strange performance, but it is by far the most interesting aspect of the film.  Van Damme has always been best when he gets to play nefarious roles (a serial killer in Replicant and a law breaking criminal in Double Impact), but this time he doesn’t also portray a goodie-two-shoes duplicate to even it out.  Here’s hoping that Van Damme latches onto this performance and gets more big screen work, because I, for one, am sick and tired of seeing his new movies pop up on Wal-Mart shelves at discount prices.  I’ll take what I can get, however.  And even though Van Damme’s scenes are few, they stick out as the film’s best moments.  I don’t want to spoil anything, but a kick from Van Damme has never been used in such a brutal, awesome way.  I just wish the filmmakers had made him a more prominent villain (or should I say, “Vilain”?).    

 

Most people aren’t watching this film just for Jean-Claude Van Damme, though.  This is a movie for action junkies.  Everyone should walk away pleased with this film.  It doesn’t hold up to the truly great action films of its stars’ past (it’s hard to top films like Predator, Die Hard, and Cobra, though), but it’s certainly awesome to see some action that doesn’t involve comic book superheroes for a change.  There’s plenty of gunfire and explosions and random bad guys getting blown to pieces to keep everyone happy.  And most of the comedic action beats work.  The CG blood was a bit disappointing at times, though, and too often the action consisted of shots of the good guys firing en masse followed by shots of bad guys getting riddled with bullets.  Director Simon West (Con Air) handles most of the film well, but he is not the most adept action director.  The Expendables 2 is still one of the most satisfying action movies in years, however.

 

This is a film after my own heart and I absolutely embraced it.  If you just need an action fix, you’ll probably like it.  If you’re a fan of the stars, you’ll dig all the cheesy in-jokes.  If you’re a Van Damme fan like me, you’ll love it, but you will leave the theater saying, “Man, I wish Van Damme would have been in it more.”  I’ll take what I can get, though.

Random Throughts (SPOILERS)

Seriously, Van Damme was great, but my God, what an underdeveloped villain.  If it was a no-name actor, it would be completely forgettable.  Van Damme breathed so much life into the role, taunting Stallone every chance he got and doing some amusing physical acting.  I wanted at least ten more behind the scenes villain stuff.  Maybe explain the cult stuff a bit more.  Seriously, all we get is that they are a cult known as the "pet of Satan"?  How do you not expand on that?!  But at least there were some round house kicks and how awesome was that knife-kick scene? 

What I really hoped to see was a Van Damme/Jet Li showdown (due to a long running feud between myself and a Li-loving buddy of mine).  But Li literally jumps out of the movie fifteen minutes in, just after a pretty damn awesome sequence involving pots and pans.  I'm assuming it had something to do with scheduling.  If Li wanted out, though, they could have had him get killed by Van Damme, though.  That would have given me the edge in my feud for life. 

Aside from all the Van Damme stuff, my favorite moment of the film had to be when there was one dude left in the village and Stallone yelled, "One more!" and everybody unloaded on him.  The "Rest in pieces" line was cheesy, but the scene itself was hilarious.  It was like the scene from Predator, except they actually hit something this time.  Oh, and they fired for five seconds instead of fifteen minutes. 

Schwarzenegger ripping the door off of that smart car (or whatever that thing was) cracked me up.  And it was just great to see him shooting a machine gun again. 

"How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Accept that Jason Statham Cannot Die...

...or Jason Statham Can Only Be Killed by Martian Ghosts, Jet Li, or William H. Macy."

*If it wasn't clear from the title, this article is going to contain spoilers for a lot of Jason Statham movies...and Executive Decision...and Romeo & Juliet.

I’ve always considered Jason Statham a very unlikely action star. After his stint in Guy Ritchie’s first two films I found it interesting that he would assume the role of the everyman action hero. Oddly enough, the cockney rhyming hustler from England was a natural in the action genre. I am pretty much a Statham fan at this point, having seen almost all of his films (though I certainly did not like every one of them). It was only after watching his latest action effort, The Mechanic, that I realized something peculiar: Jason Statham is borderline immortal.

Let’s start with the last film first. In the original Mechanic, both characters deservedly die at the end. It made sense, Bronson was remorseful for his years of killing and Jan-Michael Vincent was just cocky and annoying, so their deaths worked for me. Fast forward to the remake. Looking good so far, Statham blows up at a gas station and Foster blows up in a fancy car, roll credits, right? No! Statham did a crazy monkey roll away from the vehicle just in time to survive! Why? Is it sequelitis? C’mon, like there was ever going to be a chance for this one to get a theatrical sequel. Even if it did get the sequel treatment it would probably go the way of another Statham remake, Death Race. In that sequel, which was DTV, Statham was not involved and if there is a sequel for The Mechanic, it is doubtful he would be in it.

The lack of Statham’s death bothered me. His death would have made sense as being faithful to the original “and” it would make sense for this movie in its own right. You might be thinking, “Big deal, it’s just a Jason Statham movie, and not a particularly good one at that.” I understand that sentiment, but there was this nagging question in the back of my mind: had Statham actually ever died on film?

Not to leave anyone in suspense: yes, Jason Statham has died on film. In my extensive research (where’s the ironic font when you need it?), I have found just three possibilities out of twenty-six films. One of them is an obvious Statham fatality, while the other two could potentially be argued.

First, Ghosts of Mars, the John Carpenter sci-fi film about, you guessed it, ghosts on the planet of Mars. Statham wasn’t a star of this one and it was actually one of his earliest action efforts. In other words, he was still expendable at this point because he wasn’t a name, which kind of makes this death null and void. But I’ll accept it. Consider this, though: Statham has only been definitively killed onscreen by Martian ghosts that inhabit human bodies turning them into kill-crazy monsters…and it took a few of them to take him out. (Time out to acknowledge the greatness of Mr. Carpenter. Ghosts may not be his strongest effort, but the man killed off Statham, and for that, I salute him.)

The second film is Cellular, but this one seems criminal to count. It was before Statham could share top billing in a film like The Expendables. Plus, he’s playing the clichéd villain in a crappy movie that is more of a Nokia commercial than it is a film. William H. Macy does put him down, but I didn’t see him in a body bag…and who knows? Those clichéd villains rarely stay dead after one shot. But yeah, he pretty much died there.

Third up is War, one of the many Jet Li co-starring vehicles for Statham. The film delivers on its promise as Li and Statham go to war against each other. The movie’s poster sets up the idea that one of these guys has to die. Technically, Li died very early on, but through a ridiculous plot twist, his identity stays alive, so victory for Li. He does take out Statham, but it’s another of those vague deaths. We see a shot hit Statham and he drops, but there’s no close up and it wasn’t a head shot. Unless we are shown a close up of Statham’s face and hear an audible death rattle, I’m claiming this one to be open-ended. But once again, yeah, he’s kind of dead. (Side note, there could be an entire article on the evolution of the Statham-Li matchups. I would say that Statham is clearly winning the battle at this point with his higher billing in The Expendables.)

Now your question is, “What’s with this stupid article? All you’ve done is proven yourself wrong, albeit begrudgingly.” To that I say, “Why are you still reading?” Just kidding. I justify this article because those deaths were weak and/or too early in Statham’s career to truly count. This article exists because of all the recent ridiculous ways Statham has laughed at death on film.

How about the Crank series? Those two films are literally about Statham dying the entire film. This tells me Statham is in on the joke that is his newfound cinematic immortality. Chev Chelios has to run around keeping his heart pumping with the promise that he will die in the end. The guy even falls out of a helicopter without a parachute at the end of the first one, only to wake up miraculously alive for the sequel. I know those films are tongue in cheek, but is it asking that much to at least kill the guy off in the sequel?

Then there are the annoying fake deaths. In the Death Race remake, he uses a decoy to get away and lives happily ever after. Even more infuriating, in the lesser known Chaos, Statham’s character actually fakes his own death. That’s almost too much for me, but it gets much, much worse.

Jason Statham has defied the works of William Shakespeare to stay alive on film. Not since Steven Seagal refused to film his ridiculous death scene in Executive Decision has a more atrocious example of immortality been attempted. (To be clear, I am not comparing the works of Shakespeare to Executive Decision, though that film is kind of a fun watch.) I am, of course, referencing Gnomeo & Juliet. Statham voiced Tybalt in the recent animated film and as we all (should) know, Tybalt is killed in the original play. Tybalt the garden gnome does get broken in the film, which is the equivalent of death in a children’s movie, but by the end he has been reassembled. Statham’s desire to live knows no bounds.

To wrap up, this article has obviously been a bit facetious. I enjoy Statham’s films, if for nothing else than to see if he dies at this point. But it’s strange how he survives so much. I’m sorry, but this guy does not deserve Schwarzenegger-like life spans in his films. He has potential to be that one action star that can also die…it would be original. Instead, he stars in movies about people who are expendable but actually aren’t at all since so many of them survive. He fakes his death. He plays characters that are supposed to be dying the entire time, but they don’t. But what can you do but hope for next time? Statham does have a film in the can right now called Blitz. It’s about a cop (Statham) who is hunting a serial killer. (Sigh.) I wonder who’s going to come out on top. I’m not condoning mass murder, but my fingers are crossed for the serial killer.

"The Mechanic"

The Mechanic - Directed by Simon West, written by Richard Wenk and Lewis John Carlino, starring Jason Statham, Ben Foster, Tony Goldwyn, and Donald Sutherland - Rated R

“I’m going to put a price on your head so big that when you look in the mirror, your reflection is gonna want to shoot you in the face!”

Hit man movies have become a genre unto themselves and many of them have tended to be about introverted hit men (like 2010’s The American). The Mechanic attempts a bit of introversion, but, thankfully, it fails and ends up being a fun action movie.

The Mechanic is actually a remake of a Charles Bronson film from the 70s and it is a bit more understated than this update, though it has its action moments as well. That movie has its fans, but it is very much a 70s movie and it’s not unreasonable to give it an update. The original film, and this new version, is about experienced hit man Arthur Bishop teaching the hit man trade to his mentor’s son, Steve McKenna.

Jason Statham replaces Bronson in the Bishop role with Ben Foster taking over the Steve McKenna part. There is no need to go into a lengthy plot synopsis with this one. Just know that The Mechanic is essentially a mentor movie, with Statham showing Foster the ropes of the professional killer industry.

Here’s the twist, though: the movie sets up the rule that most kills should be controlled and discreet then shoots that rule in the head and runs it over with a car for good measure. There is almost nothing professional about the kills in this movie; it is one screw up after another. This is not a condemnation, though. Hit man movies can be boring at times because the hit men are portrayed as these perfect killing machines that never mess up. In The Mechanic, Murphy’s Law is in full effect. Admit it, a hit man movie is much more entertaining when the plan falls apart and the killer(s) have to just wing it.

The fact that the characters have to improvise makes the action fun and, at times, a bit crazy. There is a moment in this film (spoiler for a kill coming up) when Statham is about to stab a guy in the face, but instead throws him out a bus window into oncoming traffic where he is brutally killed by a speeding car. It was almost as if Statham stopped and considered what the audience would rather see, then acted on impulse.

The main question, though, is who is this audience that wants to see something like that? Well, in a word: dudes. This is a movie for the guys. Just look at the poster: it’s a gun made out of other guns. That’s not to say women won’t like it. Plenty of ladies out there dig action flicks, but it’s not crazy to assume that this isn’t a movie aimed at both sexes. For example, the only female characters in the film are only there for sex scenes set to rock music and one of these scenes takes place against a dumpster. The sex scenes were a bit too blatant of a way to pander to a male audience, though.

The testosterone is in the casting, as well. Jason Statham is the go-to man’s man actor these days. He does a decent job here. Statham is always convincing as the professional with all the answers. The more interesting casting choice is Ben Foster, who immediately elevates every film he is in. Never one to play a regular Joe, Foster gets to portray a slightly unbalanced young man with a desire to kill. He works well with Statham and adds an element of fun to the film.

The leads are very well cast and they make the film an overall enjoyable experience. This isn’t a compelling film or anything, though. The dynamic between the two characters doesn’t achieve a proper payoff. The ending was just, well, stupid, and made everything that happened before it kind of pointless. Thankfully, The Mechanic is not a plot-driven film. This is an action movie, pure and simple.

The story didn’t come to a logical conclusion, but it didn’t take away much from the film. The Mechanic is forgettable fun. This is a movie in which lengthy shootouts and car chases happen in the downtown area of a major city and the police never show up. Police do not exist in the world of The Mechanic. That will either leave you shaking your head at the sheer ridiculousness of it or it will have you giving the thumbs up, saying “Who needs the police in an action movie?” If you’re part of the latter group, then go check this movie out as soon as you can.

Random Thoughts (SPOILERS)

Seriously, where are the police? It's one thing to never have them show up during firefights, but what about the slew of evidence that gets left around? Are you telling me that there's no way you could track Foster to the house of the gay hit man? He was bleeding all over the place and he certainly wasn't wearing gloves. And he was seen having drinks with the guy before it happened. Did no one look into that brutal murder? Once again, this did not tuin the movie for me (or even really diminish my opinion of it), but wow, what are the police doing in this city?

The ending is stupid, plain and simple. In the original, both men die, and rightfully so. In this film, Bishop lives. Why? Because it's Jason freakin' Statham? Does this guy have a "can't be killed" clause in his contract or something? I'm not sure he's died in any of his films (I think Jet Li may have killed him in War, but aside from that...). There is really no reason for him to live in this film. He was duped into killing his friend and mentor and had seemingly accepted the fact that Steve was going to kill him to avange his father. Then he does this ridiculous monkey roll out of his truck before it blows up. All for what: to set up a weak call back to a Latin inscription on a gun? By the way, that call back would've worked even with Bishop's death. Pointless, pointless, pointless. This is just Hollywood saying we need to keep someone alive at the end, and it might as well be the more bankable star. Were they hoping for a sequel? Statham returns to train another new prospect, only to kill him? Sounds like a franchise to me.

Note to self, write a new article: Jason Statham cannot be killed onscreen...except by Jet Li.

I enjoyed Tony Goldwyn's slightly cheesy performance, hence the over the top line quoted at the beginning of this review.

Why did Statham have to drive a boat to get to his house? He has that car there and Steve starts to take off in it at the end. Was he actually going to be able to go somewhere, or was he just going to drive laps around Bishop's property? I get the secluded aspect of it, but it still didn't add up.

"The Expendables"

The Expendables - Directed by Sylvester Stallone, written by Dave Callaham and Sylvester Stallone, starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren, and Terry Crews - Rated R

It's no masterpiece, but it's still a pretty damn good action movie.

The Expendables has been on my radar for well over a year now. My friends and I have been gushing about the manliest cast ever assembled and expectations were at an all time high. Did this end up as the best action movie ever made? No, of course not, that is a ridiculous expectation. It did turn out to be a brutal callback to the heyday of action movies. It’s a flawed, but very fun movie.

This movie has been about the cast from the very beginning. It’s a who’s who of old and new action stars. Sylvester Stallone (who also writes and directs) and Jason Statham are the two leads, with the rest of the good and bad guys taking on much smaller roles. Everyone has their little moments, though, and fans of any of the actors should come away pleased.

I loved the cast, but a good cast doesn’t guarantee a good movie. The story has to be somewhat compelling. The Expendables has a story that fits into the same world as Stallone’s last Rambo film (a movie I loved, by the way). Some small underdeveloped nation is being abused by a dictator backed by a rogue CIA man. The team is asked to intervene in what looks to be a suicide mission. At first they turn it down, but eventually it becomes more about Stallone saving his soul than making money, so he takes the job. The difference between this and Rambo is that instead of one man against an army, there’s a small team of Rambo-types, and they’re all bulletproof marksmen.

The plot is serviceable in that it sets the stage for plenty of outrageous action. The final twenty minutes are flat out awesome. And let’s face it, the only reason to see this movie is the action. For the most part, it’s handled well. I thought Stallone employed the shaky-cam, quick cut method a bit too much, though. At times, it felt as if Stallone just threw the camera right in the middle of the action. I know that sounds like a compliment, but it most certainly is not. It doesn’t ruin the movie, however, and the last act makes up for it, anyway.

I don’t want to ruin any of the action set pieces, but I do have to mention some of my favorite elements from the cast. First off, Stallone and Statham work well together. It was cool to see the two generations of action stars working together. Terry Crews (President Camacho in Idiocracy) doesn’t have much screentime, but he gets the greatest moment in the film involving a fully automatic shotgun. Dolph Lundgren gets to crazy things up like he did in Universal Soldier. It was fun seeing him in an actual movie again. The rest of the cast is okay, their moments and characteristics just aren’t very interesting. But I didn’t care for Randy Couture. I have yet to see a UFC fighter who can deliver convincing dialogue in a film. The only thing missing from this cast is Jean-Claude Van Damme. For whatever reason, he turned down a role in this film. Hopefully, he comes to his senses for the sequel, which Stallone is already talking about.

The over the top action of the film is what keeps it interesting and entertaining, though. I called this a callback to older action films earlier. First, it’s a callback in the brutality of its action. Heads and other body parts are cut or blown completely off and the body count is astronomical. (I found it amusing that to save a small country; half of its population had to be decimated.) Second, the characters are not very developed. The good guys have issues, sure, but they are definitely good. The bad guy (an enjoyably sleazy Eric Roberts) is absolutely evil. Who needs complicated characters in a movie like this? And finally, it’s unapologetic. This movie claims to be an action movie and it delivers on that claim.

The only downside of this being a callback to the old action movies is the annoying camerawork at times (no one shot action in the 80’s like people do today, and that’s just unfortunate) and the CG. You kind of lose that nostalgic feeling when you see a spray of CG blood. I just don’t understand the reasoning behind those two decisions. But as I said, they are forgivable.

The Expendables isn’t a masterpiece and it doesn’t pretend to be. This film was supposed to be in the same vein as action classics like Predator and Commando, and aside from some practical deviations, it is. It’s not better than the classics, but it’s certainly refreshing to see a hardcore R-rated action movie in the theatres again. I hope Stallone keeps it up, because, in the spirit of the excess of the 80’s, I want more, more, more.